Just felt like a new post because im tired of the old one and only 2 people commented anyway, if you feel like saying hi then feel free, if not then fine.
Keep living x x x
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Misty Windows
Thanks Gordon, just yeah thanks - haven't spoken on msn for ages but hope you had a good day. Laura erm oh yeah it looks like fun but don't do it if you don't have time!! I'll see you later bout it.
I found this poem and felt like sharing it.
Misty Windows
Lucky are those with the truth
Not often true to nature
Revealing, open and often windows to the soul
Shrouded in mystery, no-one can come in
So many are misted up
Mine are crystal clear
But who cares? They're mine, only mine
Those which matter are fitted with rose-coloured lenses
Yours can't see in, past this facade
To you mine are misty windows
Interpret them how you will
However to those who truly care
My misty windows are clear.
Keep living x x x
I found this poem and felt like sharing it.
Misty Windows
Lucky are those with the truth
Not often true to nature
Revealing, open and often windows to the soul
Shrouded in mystery, no-one can come in
So many are misted up
Mine are crystal clear
But who cares? They're mine, only mine
Those which matter are fitted with rose-coloured lenses
Yours can't see in, past this facade
To you mine are misty windows
Interpret them how you will
However to those who truly care
My misty windows are clear.
Keep living x x x
Friday, February 11, 2005
Crying, kissing and boredom
This post is a bit of a mixed bag really; I give you the story of my life! No seriously you all know what’s been happening in my life recently so I’ll not bore you with details again, I’m at home and very, very bored again. Today is the first day I’ve been left on my own all day so I thought I’d utilise the time and write a new post, a post which got it’s title from a song I am currently listening to, but a title which is also quite appropriate.
Firstly: crying. A lot of crying has been going on round here recently, on my part and the parts of others – both of which were induced by me, not purposely I might add. Ever been suspected of something, but now openly asked? Well that’s what’s happening to me currently, if people just ask it’d be a hell of a lot easier, and less painful I think. Anyway you should all keep smiling because right now, smiling and happiness sounds like heaven to me.
Secondly: kissing. It’s nearly Valentines Day, that day that is so commercialised – it’s almost like Christmas. I’m not a fan personally, but then I would be cynical since I’ve no one to share it with. I don’t know, maybe it makes sense when you have someone to give you soppy cards and roses, or to give them to – Gordon? Is it bearable? I’ve only ever received one card and that was when I was 8 anyway, cards from my Dad don’t count – since he gives them to his girlfriends too.
Thirdly: Boredom. I’ve kinda already covered this, I’ve been home all week – in various beds all the while. Still it was a good opportunity to write I guess, I wrote a lot of stuff. I can’t make up my mind if it’s a good thing to be left with your thoughts or not. Lying down on your own there’s nothing to do but think – analyse everything, everything I’ve done and everything I want to do, all my thoughts are there with me – and there were a fair few bad ones. I think it’s bad because I almost went stir – crazy being trapped with only myself and my notebook and pen to share all these contemplation’s with.
Lastly: I just want to publicly announce, to all …5 of you, how much I congratulate Dame Ellen MacArthur on successfully circumnavigating the globe, alone – a woman who must know a lot about being with her thoughts after 71 days at sea. Words can’t really describe how much I admire her.
Keep living x x x
Firstly: crying. A lot of crying has been going on round here recently, on my part and the parts of others – both of which were induced by me, not purposely I might add. Ever been suspected of something, but now openly asked? Well that’s what’s happening to me currently, if people just ask it’d be a hell of a lot easier, and less painful I think. Anyway you should all keep smiling because right now, smiling and happiness sounds like heaven to me.
Secondly: kissing. It’s nearly Valentines Day, that day that is so commercialised – it’s almost like Christmas. I’m not a fan personally, but then I would be cynical since I’ve no one to share it with. I don’t know, maybe it makes sense when you have someone to give you soppy cards and roses, or to give them to – Gordon? Is it bearable? I’ve only ever received one card and that was when I was 8 anyway, cards from my Dad don’t count – since he gives them to his girlfriends too.
Thirdly: Boredom. I’ve kinda already covered this, I’ve been home all week – in various beds all the while. Still it was a good opportunity to write I guess, I wrote a lot of stuff. I can’t make up my mind if it’s a good thing to be left with your thoughts or not. Lying down on your own there’s nothing to do but think – analyse everything, everything I’ve done and everything I want to do, all my thoughts are there with me – and there were a fair few bad ones. I think it’s bad because I almost went stir – crazy being trapped with only myself and my notebook and pen to share all these contemplation’s with.
Lastly: I just want to publicly announce, to all …5 of you, how much I congratulate Dame Ellen MacArthur on successfully circumnavigating the globe, alone – a woman who must know a lot about being with her thoughts after 71 days at sea. Words can’t really describe how much I admire her.
Keep living x x x
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
The Gym
Perhaps not one of my most scintillating topics but it is, after all, a topic and a topic that I previously mentioned nonetheless.
This post is to induce some enlightenment among those of you who’ve never been in a gym, never want to or are merely curious. You have all spoken to me on MSN and the like and know that I am an averagely normal person, so, this post is also to clarify that the gym is not purely for fitness fanatics and can actually be quite fun, if you really want it to be.
So I shall begin on the mysteries, myths and downright absurdities that we call ‘the gym’.
Every new applicant to my gym is required to go on an induction course before being let loose among the high-tech machines, which is probably a good idea I guess. For my induction I opted for a one-to-one affair with my dad as my supervising parent, this I thought was a touch of genius as he used to be a fitness trainer himself.
After the humiliation of being weighed by a complete stranger (and a rather good-looking one at that) the big white doors of the gym are flung open to reveal the horrors inside. All that can been seen all around are sweaty people, ‘pod people’, and the just plain weird people, at the moment I consider myself to me a little more sane than these people, however earphones in my ears and after a brisk ride I fit in just fine.
The induction is really boring, you have a workout program tailored to your specific needs and you are led through the mass of sweaty bodies to various machines which do resemble medieval torture devices. After learning to walk without your hands clamped to the sides of that lethal conveyor belt, the treadmill, then run, row, peddle and ‘x-train’. All of this first session is low impact but after learning that I am to attend 4 times a week, I fear that this is the first and last session that the sweat on my brow is that of fear and panic, rather than physical exhaustion.
I continued with this absurdity on a regular basis for the duration of 2004, gradually getting faster, pedalling further and finally beating that annoying regular guy on the rowing machine. My only motivation, besides the distant promise of the sea viewed from the giant windows, is the health suite, a bizarre cooking affair if I ever did see one. Roasted people in the sauna, steamed people in the steam room and boiled people in the Jacuzzi, I am somewhat sceptical of these three ‘relaxation techniques’ but add a few friends and they become really quite fun.
My aim this year was to cut down on my gym intake, deeming my body quite fit enough as it was without requiring almost 6 hours of training a week, so I have so far only attended the torture-chamber one day a week, a Sunday for a mere 2 hours.
In these two hours I follow this bizarre-looking program, merely added to this post to pad it out a little:
Warm up – 4kms, level 10 cycling
20mins, level 5 cross-training
20mins, speed 9km/hr running
20mins, level 10 rowing
50 crunches (average)
3kms running
A few more crunches
And a final 100calories worth of rowing
As I draw this post to a close I have probably not convinced anybody of the points I mentioned earlier, made myself sound even more strange than your previous suspicions and put across the idea that I am some super-fit hottie, which Keir will testify that I am not. However I have maybe added a touch of humour to the gym, convinced you that you’ll never join a gym or maybe at least just wasted 5 minutes of your time.
So anyway, I’ll go now but talk to you soon
Keep Living x x x
PS It has been mentioned my friends of mine that i have no respect for MSN 'status' therefore if anyone logs on and sets to 'busy' or 'away' i will keep well away, and only speak when spoken too. x x x
This post is to induce some enlightenment among those of you who’ve never been in a gym, never want to or are merely curious. You have all spoken to me on MSN and the like and know that I am an averagely normal person, so, this post is also to clarify that the gym is not purely for fitness fanatics and can actually be quite fun, if you really want it to be.
So I shall begin on the mysteries, myths and downright absurdities that we call ‘the gym’.
Every new applicant to my gym is required to go on an induction course before being let loose among the high-tech machines, which is probably a good idea I guess. For my induction I opted for a one-to-one affair with my dad as my supervising parent, this I thought was a touch of genius as he used to be a fitness trainer himself.
After the humiliation of being weighed by a complete stranger (and a rather good-looking one at that) the big white doors of the gym are flung open to reveal the horrors inside. All that can been seen all around are sweaty people, ‘pod people’, and the just plain weird people, at the moment I consider myself to me a little more sane than these people, however earphones in my ears and after a brisk ride I fit in just fine.
The induction is really boring, you have a workout program tailored to your specific needs and you are led through the mass of sweaty bodies to various machines which do resemble medieval torture devices. After learning to walk without your hands clamped to the sides of that lethal conveyor belt, the treadmill, then run, row, peddle and ‘x-train’. All of this first session is low impact but after learning that I am to attend 4 times a week, I fear that this is the first and last session that the sweat on my brow is that of fear and panic, rather than physical exhaustion.
I continued with this absurdity on a regular basis for the duration of 2004, gradually getting faster, pedalling further and finally beating that annoying regular guy on the rowing machine. My only motivation, besides the distant promise of the sea viewed from the giant windows, is the health suite, a bizarre cooking affair if I ever did see one. Roasted people in the sauna, steamed people in the steam room and boiled people in the Jacuzzi, I am somewhat sceptical of these three ‘relaxation techniques’ but add a few friends and they become really quite fun.
My aim this year was to cut down on my gym intake, deeming my body quite fit enough as it was without requiring almost 6 hours of training a week, so I have so far only attended the torture-chamber one day a week, a Sunday for a mere 2 hours.
In these two hours I follow this bizarre-looking program, merely added to this post to pad it out a little:
Warm up – 4kms, level 10 cycling
20mins, level 5 cross-training
20mins, speed 9km/hr running
20mins, level 10 rowing
50 crunches (average)
3kms running
A few more crunches
And a final 100calories worth of rowing
As I draw this post to a close I have probably not convinced anybody of the points I mentioned earlier, made myself sound even more strange than your previous suspicions and put across the idea that I am some super-fit hottie, which Keir will testify that I am not. However I have maybe added a touch of humour to the gym, convinced you that you’ll never join a gym or maybe at least just wasted 5 minutes of your time.
So anyway, I’ll go now but talk to you soon
Keep Living x x x
PS It has been mentioned my friends of mine that i have no respect for MSN 'status' therefore if anyone logs on and sets to 'busy' or 'away' i will keep well away, and only speak when spoken too. x x x
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Niki's Sunday
Well once again MSN is not cooperating so i am online, but unable to chat to you. So the obvious short-term remedy to this predicament is to write a pointless post, so here it is;
Sunday in my world is always relaxed, i have things to do but no schedule to stick to. There's homework and the gym, both of which have to be done.
This sunday was no exception, i was rudely awoken today, unusual for a sunday. At around 11am i hear a distant thumping, a thumping outside of that in my head and then a loud voice, deep inside myself i know that i should throw off my saturday-night-induced-comatose state but i am reluctant. Then my door is thrown open and standing in the doorway, a large man, who turns out to be my Dad. I hear the words "gym" and "now", i don't like them much.
Nonetheless my dad is stubborn and will not leave until i am dressed and on my way, so within 1/2 i am blinking in the bright light, wondering when Guernsey got to be so cold. In another few minutes i find myself reluctantly on the treadmill, running, because when you don't run you fall off. After only around 15minutes of this ludicrous activity i decide that enough is enough and promptly fall off, a little more awake by now. I dutifully make my way around the gym, through pounding music and past disgusting sweaty people unitl my program is done, my CD has finished and i am knackered.
A long, hot shower later i am finally awake, at 1:30pm. I walk home and collapse into a sandwich, which i then eat in front of the tv, i stay here for several hours. Various people come and go, some of which live here, some that don't, some that i know and some that i don't. I watch a movie and then Ski Sunday before i am rudely awoken once again by the abysmal sound of atomic kitten being played on my little sister's stereo and a few minutes later her tone-deaf voice singing along. This is enough for me so i sprint upstairs, close my door and turn my stereo up. Only to be yelled at that tea is ready 15minutes later, i dubiously stick my head out of my door, and am relieved to hear that the teen-tack-trash has been switched off, i eat my tea.
This done i retreat upstairs once more to fill in some summer forms and do my laborious physics assignment before texting some friends and, when i hear my sisters coming up to bed, i come down to turn this computer on. To my dismay MSN will not work so after some refreshingly abusive language i sit down to write this.
Currently my phone is ringing, my music blaring and possibly everyone in St Peter Port is yelling at me but you know what? I really don't give a shit because sunday is nearly over and tomorrow the world will climb back into their mundane little goldfish bowls, oblivious to the world around them and my music blaring when i should be at school.
Have a nice week
Keep living x x x
Sunday in my world is always relaxed, i have things to do but no schedule to stick to. There's homework and the gym, both of which have to be done.
This sunday was no exception, i was rudely awoken today, unusual for a sunday. At around 11am i hear a distant thumping, a thumping outside of that in my head and then a loud voice, deep inside myself i know that i should throw off my saturday-night-induced-comatose state but i am reluctant. Then my door is thrown open and standing in the doorway, a large man, who turns out to be my Dad. I hear the words "gym" and "now", i don't like them much.
Nonetheless my dad is stubborn and will not leave until i am dressed and on my way, so within 1/2 i am blinking in the bright light, wondering when Guernsey got to be so cold. In another few minutes i find myself reluctantly on the treadmill, running, because when you don't run you fall off. After only around 15minutes of this ludicrous activity i decide that enough is enough and promptly fall off, a little more awake by now. I dutifully make my way around the gym, through pounding music and past disgusting sweaty people unitl my program is done, my CD has finished and i am knackered.
A long, hot shower later i am finally awake, at 1:30pm. I walk home and collapse into a sandwich, which i then eat in front of the tv, i stay here for several hours. Various people come and go, some of which live here, some that don't, some that i know and some that i don't. I watch a movie and then Ski Sunday before i am rudely awoken once again by the abysmal sound of atomic kitten being played on my little sister's stereo and a few minutes later her tone-deaf voice singing along. This is enough for me so i sprint upstairs, close my door and turn my stereo up. Only to be yelled at that tea is ready 15minutes later, i dubiously stick my head out of my door, and am relieved to hear that the teen-tack-trash has been switched off, i eat my tea.
This done i retreat upstairs once more to fill in some summer forms and do my laborious physics assignment before texting some friends and, when i hear my sisters coming up to bed, i come down to turn this computer on. To my dismay MSN will not work so after some refreshingly abusive language i sit down to write this.
Currently my phone is ringing, my music blaring and possibly everyone in St Peter Port is yelling at me but you know what? I really don't give a shit because sunday is nearly over and tomorrow the world will climb back into their mundane little goldfish bowls, oblivious to the world around them and my music blaring when i should be at school.
Have a nice week
Keep living x x x
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Revelations
I have to admit that when Gordon mentioned that poem i did wonder what the hell he was on about, but when i go and take look-see for myself it is my poem!! Written in year 6 - when i was 10, posted by my teacher at the time Mrs Davey. I cannot believe i never knew that it was online. Anyway here it is:
"Composed standing over the blue mountain"
This place now doth like a garment wear,
I look from this point, these Blue Mountains.
This is a calm, serene place
All is quiet and clear, the other islands are visible.
This beautiful place.
Opens unto sea, rocks and the town.
Ne'er did the sun more beautifully sleep over this point.
Morning is breaking but still all is soundless,
Except for the distant horn of a huge ferry.
Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so gentle,
The sea swishes at its own sweet will.
Keep Living x x x
"Composed standing over the blue mountain"
This place now doth like a garment wear,
I look from this point, these Blue Mountains.
This is a calm, serene place
All is quiet and clear, the other islands are visible.
This beautiful place.
Opens unto sea, rocks and the town.
Ne'er did the sun more beautifully sleep over this point.
Morning is breaking but still all is soundless,
Except for the distant horn of a huge ferry.
Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so gentle,
The sea swishes at its own sweet will.
Keep Living x x x
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Blah
Not much hapenning, just felt compelled to write. Thanks for all the good lucks and stuff although exams have truly gone very badly so far.
Although i am liking study leave, utilising my new-found freedom to play music really loud and i'm liking coming and going as and when i feel like it.
Well i am now immersed also in 6th form applications and interviews and shit like that, if they base it on these mock results i'm really not gonna get far.
Anyway i'm rambling now so i'll go.
Keep living x x x
Although i am liking study leave, utilising my new-found freedom to play music really loud and i'm liking coming and going as and when i feel like it.
Well i am now immersed also in 6th form applications and interviews and shit like that, if they base it on these mock results i'm really not gonna get far.
Anyway i'm rambling now so i'll go.
Keep living x x x
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
De amigo a verdugo - From a friend to a tormenter
Siempre he vivido al lado del mar. Era nuestro amigo y nuestro sustento. Pero ahora me asusta.
Antes, el sonido de las olas era música para mis oídos. Ahora tengo pesadillas de olas entrando en mi casa y llevándonos lejos. Nunca pensé que el mar también podía ser destructivo.
A pesar de todo, todavía amo el mar. Soy un isleño. No puedo irme lejos del océano.
Don't adjust your machines!! This is intended to be in spanish, it was my 5 minute test for today - to translate it from spanish to english. I will put the english below but i just thought that you might like to read it in the original spanish first. It relates to the tsunami disaster and it's my own wierd way of recognising the scale of the thing. Respect the sea.
English: I've always lived by the sea. It was our friend and our livelihood. But now it frightens me.
Before, the sound of the waves was music to my ears. Now i have nightmares of waves entering my house and carrying us. Never did the sea could be so destructive.
In spite of everything i still love the sea. I'm an islander. I could never take myself far from the sea.
That's it, your spanish session for today is now complete. Be careful out there.
Keep living x x x
Antes, el sonido de las olas era música para mis oídos. Ahora tengo pesadillas de olas entrando en mi casa y llevándonos lejos. Nunca pensé que el mar también podía ser destructivo.
A pesar de todo, todavía amo el mar. Soy un isleño. No puedo irme lejos del océano.
Don't adjust your machines!! This is intended to be in spanish, it was my 5 minute test for today - to translate it from spanish to english. I will put the english below but i just thought that you might like to read it in the original spanish first. It relates to the tsunami disaster and it's my own wierd way of recognising the scale of the thing. Respect the sea.
English: I've always lived by the sea. It was our friend and our livelihood. But now it frightens me.
Before, the sound of the waves was music to my ears. Now i have nightmares of waves entering my house and carrying us. Never did the sea could be so destructive.
In spite of everything i still love the sea. I'm an islander. I could never take myself far from the sea.
That's it, your spanish session for today is now complete. Be careful out there.
Keep living x x x
Friday, December 31, 2004
The Big City
Hey everyone this post comes to you from Southampton where i am currently residing, christmas was okay i guess, this week stuck in with my family is a bit of a nightmare though.
The wager between dave and i is that he said i'd fail no more than one exam, i wasn't so sure so he said when i don't fail my exams i have to admit that i was wrong or something like that, he will lose though. i've not studied one bit and the exams are on the 14th for two weeks, ah well.
I like it here, we live 10 miles out of the city center and when i wake up the ground is white with frost, i can hear the distant rumble of the motorway in the distance, this comforts me. It's literally freezing though i bought my offshore jacket thinking i'd never need it but i really do, it's bitter and harsh like winter should be. I have only two days left here now before i'm home to warm and dreary guernsey, back to the place where everyone knows me but no-one does.
keep living x x x and happy new year, a big hug in lieu of tonight
The wager between dave and i is that he said i'd fail no more than one exam, i wasn't so sure so he said when i don't fail my exams i have to admit that i was wrong or something like that, he will lose though. i've not studied one bit and the exams are on the 14th for two weeks, ah well.
I like it here, we live 10 miles out of the city center and when i wake up the ground is white with frost, i can hear the distant rumble of the motorway in the distance, this comforts me. It's literally freezing though i bought my offshore jacket thinking i'd never need it but i really do, it's bitter and harsh like winter should be. I have only two days left here now before i'm home to warm and dreary guernsey, back to the place where everyone knows me but no-one does.
keep living x x x and happy new year, a big hug in lieu of tonight
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Erm...yeah
| Just got fed up of the old post i guess!
I don't have a lot to say, I mean Merry Christmas to all, and happy winter solstice for yesterday if Christmas doesn't sound so appealing this year to you, I'm having doubts about it myself to be honest. Anyway try and smile at least on the 25th and don't work too hard all of you out there with exams soon, try to lay back despite them being horrible and emotionally and physically draining. Sorry i'm smiling See you soon Keep living love niki x x x |
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Welcome to my truth
I have been having a bit of a crap time lately, I’ve not told many of you, I don’t know why. However a wise someone recently very accurately pointed out that this blog is merely an online journal to which people can add comments to, so I thought now was a good time to tell this page about myself.
One of the (many) things that have been bringing me down is how little people know about me, anyone who reads this page included. So I shall begin.
I was born Nikita Elizabeth on the 15th June 1989, 15 days late. My mum was unable to deliver me and it took that long for the doctors to realise that maybe I needed a little help in there, and so I was brought into the world by caesarean section at about 22:10pm.
I was my parents first child so naturally my birth was everywhere, The Guernsey Press and The Hampshire Chronicle included. I was barely awake when at three weeks I made my first trip to my ‘homeland’ of Southampton, Southern England. Since that day I have made 54 trips, 108 flights on various airlines, Manx airways, KLM, BA, Jersey European, AirUK and Flybe to name a few – I don’t even have a frequent traveller card!
My birth prompted a move – 3 houses up the road! From a top floor flat to a Victorian terrace. The next four years of my life were quite boring really, aside from an incident during which I was dropped down the stairs, causing my shoulder to become dislocated – I’ll never let my mum forget that!
When I was four ‘mis padres’ decided that I wasn’t enough and so my sister, Jemma was born in July of 1993, things started to go downhill. My father had an affair and moved out prompting a move back to my mother’s place of birth, Southampton. Here we stayed for a little under a year before we transferred back and I moved to Amherst primary school. My parents were then happily separated for 8 years, my dad became a weekend father and I was his from 10am-2pm on a Saturday. When she was old enough Jemma came too.
Like everything this story has an exception, when I was 10 my parents had a brief moment of madness and produced my second and final sister Emily in November of 1999. This caused my fathers long-term relationship to end and I helped him to move to his own place, after a large and scary boxing day fiasco, the details of which you will have to ask since they aren’t pretty, if you want to. Anyway here my father stayed until he moved to my Grans house, to which he built a ‘bachelor-esque’ extension on the side of, it is here I visit so often to get away or to get pissed.
But wait I have missed a large event, the final divorce of my parents, one month after my 12th birthday, this ended any long-holding dreams is might have of any sort of ‘re-joining’ of my parents.
There are select events that I have left out so far – those who want to know will have to ask on MSN as right now I don’t think I can publicly declare them to everyone at once, individually I can do it I think, but whatever.
As my father was only cohabiting with my mother during my early years, I have the best relationship with him out of all of my sisters, as should be expected. It is my father whom I have fun with, my mother who guides me through the trials and tribulations of being a teenage girl. The bond between Jemma and Emily with my mum is stronger – they were solely her children, not my fathers, besides I forgave my adulterous father a little too quickly for her liking I think.
I go out with my father every Saturday now, and whenever I can, it’s not a perfect relationship but what relationship is? He teaches me how to survive in the big world and he has been through a lot, his life-experience is immense. Many of my friends are adults, male and female though predominantly male, I met them on those Saturdays in the pub, I was Martyn’s cute little daughter. They are the ones who make me laugh and who teach me what I must be like when I’m pissed! Some people think that my fathers actions during my early years were irresponsible – not me, I value them, if I ever need anyone I have someone, many of the men and some women are, like my dad, security guards as well as their regular jobs, so I am always safe.
I think that the things I’ve been through with my dad have made me so much more emotionally mature than many of my (school) friends, I know that shit happens to everyone and how it happens – a good start in life I think.
I doubt this post’ll help me but it does let you know how I came to be who I am, even if none of you were real then at least this page knows me, Nikita.
Thanks and keep living love
Nikita, Niki etc.
One of the (many) things that have been bringing me down is how little people know about me, anyone who reads this page included. So I shall begin.
I was born Nikita Elizabeth on the 15th June 1989, 15 days late. My mum was unable to deliver me and it took that long for the doctors to realise that maybe I needed a little help in there, and so I was brought into the world by caesarean section at about 22:10pm.
I was my parents first child so naturally my birth was everywhere, The Guernsey Press and The Hampshire Chronicle included. I was barely awake when at three weeks I made my first trip to my ‘homeland’ of Southampton, Southern England. Since that day I have made 54 trips, 108 flights on various airlines, Manx airways, KLM, BA, Jersey European, AirUK and Flybe to name a few – I don’t even have a frequent traveller card!
My birth prompted a move – 3 houses up the road! From a top floor flat to a Victorian terrace. The next four years of my life were quite boring really, aside from an incident during which I was dropped down the stairs, causing my shoulder to become dislocated – I’ll never let my mum forget that!
When I was four ‘mis padres’ decided that I wasn’t enough and so my sister, Jemma was born in July of 1993, things started to go downhill. My father had an affair and moved out prompting a move back to my mother’s place of birth, Southampton. Here we stayed for a little under a year before we transferred back and I moved to Amherst primary school. My parents were then happily separated for 8 years, my dad became a weekend father and I was his from 10am-2pm on a Saturday. When she was old enough Jemma came too.
Like everything this story has an exception, when I was 10 my parents had a brief moment of madness and produced my second and final sister Emily in November of 1999. This caused my fathers long-term relationship to end and I helped him to move to his own place, after a large and scary boxing day fiasco, the details of which you will have to ask since they aren’t pretty, if you want to. Anyway here my father stayed until he moved to my Grans house, to which he built a ‘bachelor-esque’ extension on the side of, it is here I visit so often to get away or to get pissed.
But wait I have missed a large event, the final divorce of my parents, one month after my 12th birthday, this ended any long-holding dreams is might have of any sort of ‘re-joining’ of my parents.
There are select events that I have left out so far – those who want to know will have to ask on MSN as right now I don’t think I can publicly declare them to everyone at once, individually I can do it I think, but whatever.
As my father was only cohabiting with my mother during my early years, I have the best relationship with him out of all of my sisters, as should be expected. It is my father whom I have fun with, my mother who guides me through the trials and tribulations of being a teenage girl. The bond between Jemma and Emily with my mum is stronger – they were solely her children, not my fathers, besides I forgave my adulterous father a little too quickly for her liking I think.
I go out with my father every Saturday now, and whenever I can, it’s not a perfect relationship but what relationship is? He teaches me how to survive in the big world and he has been through a lot, his life-experience is immense. Many of my friends are adults, male and female though predominantly male, I met them on those Saturdays in the pub, I was Martyn’s cute little daughter. They are the ones who make me laugh and who teach me what I must be like when I’m pissed! Some people think that my fathers actions during my early years were irresponsible – not me, I value them, if I ever need anyone I have someone, many of the men and some women are, like my dad, security guards as well as their regular jobs, so I am always safe.
I think that the things I’ve been through with my dad have made me so much more emotionally mature than many of my (school) friends, I know that shit happens to everyone and how it happens – a good start in life I think.
I doubt this post’ll help me but it does let you know how I came to be who I am, even if none of you were real then at least this page knows me, Nikita.
Thanks and keep living love
Nikita, Niki etc.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Guernsey, Channel Islands
|
This post, is really not good, i am rubbish with computers! I have had to paste links to photos from other sites as i don't have a digital camera, and they won't let me paste them! Enjoy my sorry effort! http://www.lefriquethotel.com/Cobo_Bay.html http://www.lefriquethotel.com/Petit_Bot_Guernsey.html http://www.lefriquethotel.com/Castle_Cornet.html http://www.lefriquethotel.com/Marina_Guernsey.html http://www.lefriquethotel.com/Pleinmont_Point.html That's it! Sorry christmas is coming and i hope to get a camera - so you can see guernsey through my eyes. Keep living x x x |
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Missed Ya!!
| Sorry!! i've been neglecting the page again, i've just discovered messenger! anyway, any addresses i don't have - let me know!
I've been quite busy with various detentions - not my fault (much) and carol service rehearsals, so not a lot to write about. This post is just to show i care!! Anyone with topic suggestions - please let me know!! Thanks Keep living x x x |
Thursday, November 18, 2004
The extraordinary journey of the table tennis ball
Hello!! How y'all doin'? I'm not so bad I guess.
Today was games period and the first of three weeks of table tennis sessions, none of which i am allowed to take part in, but oh well it's just as fun, sorry boring to watch. Have you ever played/watched, it's the dullest thing ever.
The highlight of the two hour session was when a cheeky little table tennis ball decided to make a break for freedom, my normal partner Tom decided to whack a ball at me 'cos i wasn't scoring properly, but his not-so-cunning-plan backfired on him, ha! The ball saw it's chance and made for it! This hall is huge and it's got 14 tables in it, as the only one not taking part i was awarded the job of cheif inspector on this important case. There were times when i thought, by golly i've found it! but alas no, the little buggar was just to fast for me.
A whole hour i searched high and i searched low, but could i find the little bastard? No, i couldn't. My sports teacher wasn't having any of it though and when we did the ball count at the end i was deading her punishment, literally sweating with nerves but what did we find? Not one ball was missing! Someone had found it, although i do suspect that Tom had it all along, bastard. Anyway i love him really and we found the ball, although i am dreading what i'll have to do for a whole two hours next week.
One good thing came out of this little escapade, i found out the badminton is along the road right opposite my Dads house, i didn't notice it until we came out and i saw his Jaguar(what he was doing home at 1:15 i don't know, he doesn't take lunch break) parked outside. Can you believe, i didn't recognise my own Dad's house first time? I had to see his car, aaargh I must go round there more often and avoid meeting at the pub.
Anyway, I must go now I've got my 6month blood test in an hour, to check my iron levels (i'm not pregant, just anaemic!!)
keep living x x x
(the clock on here is screwed, it's like 4:30pm, not 7:50pm. if it were 7:50 then i'd have missed the doctors, which i wouldn't(!!))
Today was games period and the first of three weeks of table tennis sessions, none of which i am allowed to take part in, but oh well it's just as fun, sorry boring to watch. Have you ever played/watched, it's the dullest thing ever.
The highlight of the two hour session was when a cheeky little table tennis ball decided to make a break for freedom, my normal partner Tom decided to whack a ball at me 'cos i wasn't scoring properly, but his not-so-cunning-plan backfired on him, ha! The ball saw it's chance and made for it! This hall is huge and it's got 14 tables in it, as the only one not taking part i was awarded the job of cheif inspector on this important case. There were times when i thought, by golly i've found it! but alas no, the little buggar was just to fast for me.
A whole hour i searched high and i searched low, but could i find the little bastard? No, i couldn't. My sports teacher wasn't having any of it though and when we did the ball count at the end i was deading her punishment, literally sweating with nerves but what did we find? Not one ball was missing! Someone had found it, although i do suspect that Tom had it all along, bastard. Anyway i love him really and we found the ball, although i am dreading what i'll have to do for a whole two hours next week.
One good thing came out of this little escapade, i found out the badminton is along the road right opposite my Dads house, i didn't notice it until we came out and i saw his Jaguar(what he was doing home at 1:15 i don't know, he doesn't take lunch break) parked outside. Can you believe, i didn't recognise my own Dad's house first time? I had to see his car, aaargh I must go round there more often and avoid meeting at the pub.
Anyway, I must go now I've got my 6month blood test in an hour, to check my iron levels (i'm not pregant, just anaemic!!)
keep living x x x
(the clock on here is screwed, it's like 4:30pm, not 7:50pm. if it were 7:50 then i'd have missed the doctors, which i wouldn't(!!))
Monday, November 15, 2004
Spiralling
Hey everyone!
How are you all doing? I am back, about 75%, it's not 100 but you know sometimes you do have to slow down and move at the same pace as the rest of the world.
Sorry to carry on this topic but i haven't exactly done anything else lately so i have no option, i'm bored. Couldn't go to band the other day owning the fact that can't breathe proberly let alone blow a musical instrument, i couldn't even go shopping or to the gym, and i hate the gym, the highlight of my week has been a trip to Boots to collect my prescription on saturday, sorry that's much better now i've said it.
Anyway i really wanted to put up a new post but i've got nothing to tell you about, back to school today but that was bloody uncomfortable so you know.
I came up with two new quotes, whadda you think?
"If you think of the consequences you never do the actions"
"It is only by saying that you can't, that you don't"
yep that's how bored i was!
keep living x x x
How are you all doing? I am back, about 75%, it's not 100 but you know sometimes you do have to slow down and move at the same pace as the rest of the world.
Sorry to carry on this topic but i haven't exactly done anything else lately so i have no option, i'm bored. Couldn't go to band the other day owning the fact that can't breathe proberly let alone blow a musical instrument, i couldn't even go shopping or to the gym, and i hate the gym, the highlight of my week has been a trip to Boots to collect my prescription on saturday, sorry that's much better now i've said it.
Anyway i really wanted to put up a new post but i've got nothing to tell you about, back to school today but that was bloody uncomfortable so you know.
I came up with two new quotes, whadda you think?
"If you think of the consequences you never do the actions"
"It is only by saying that you can't, that you don't"
yep that's how bored i was!
keep living x x x
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Fragile (apparently)
Hey, crazy people!
Firstly i'm sorry this page has been slightly neglected of late, i had, lets say an accident which inevitably ended in injury. I have (so they tell me) cracked a rib or two, and before i go on, i don't recommend it to anyone, it fucking hurts. (scuse language) At the time i just thought crap this hurts and then doc gave me some painkillers (which worked very well) and i went to school, big mistake, huge. Do you know how many people crash into you in the corridors usually without you noticing? It's a lot, back to AandE i go, i shouldn't have gone to school (now they tell me) and now i have different medicine which means i am shattered, he only gave me like the strongest i think there is so i am too tired to do anything, but i can't feel it, which is a plus i have to say.
So now i am very bored cos i'm at home and didn't go to school yesterday, today. Even f i can't feel it, i have to be careful for a week or two.
Now since that's all that has happened recently i'll go, please write back and save me (although i might be asleep)
Keep living x x x
Firstly i'm sorry this page has been slightly neglected of late, i had, lets say an accident which inevitably ended in injury. I have (so they tell me) cracked a rib or two, and before i go on, i don't recommend it to anyone, it fucking hurts. (scuse language) At the time i just thought crap this hurts and then doc gave me some painkillers (which worked very well) and i went to school, big mistake, huge. Do you know how many people crash into you in the corridors usually without you noticing? It's a lot, back to AandE i go, i shouldn't have gone to school (now they tell me) and now i have different medicine which means i am shattered, he only gave me like the strongest i think there is so i am too tired to do anything, but i can't feel it, which is a plus i have to say.
So now i am very bored cos i'm at home and didn't go to school yesterday, today. Even f i can't feel it, i have to be careful for a week or two.
Now since that's all that has happened recently i'll go, please write back and save me (although i might be asleep)
Keep living x x x
Monday, November 01, 2004
Old MacDonald
Well that was a random title! My sister has her CD player on and it is playing Old MacDonald had a farm. (she's four)
Please do express yourself on this page, I don't hold views on other peoples beliefs and i don't think anyone who does really has a place on my 'happy' page.
I was feeling a bit down before i came online, to tell you the truth i am easily bored, i know that and i fidget, today the daunting reality hit me : i may well be at school for the next 5 years at least, to a person like me that is a nightmare quite frankly and i don't know what to do. I will not acheive the career success i want without education but i like to be able to do what i want, when i want and i have realised that i need to devolop some serious self-discipline. I do posess it in things i like to do like sailing and stuff but i...just don't know.
I'm sure everyone feels like this buti am wondering; i have always been...well a sort of dreamer and what the hell does a dreamer make out of life, what do they acheive? Sorry i've gone all serious on you.
On a lighter note i saw a great friend of mine on saturday, i haven't seen him since i was ten, but he used to be a barman at a pub my dad takes me to, when i walked in on saturday and saw him there, it was amazing. we had a huge hug and all he could say was; "bloody hell, you're tall" occaisionly i would make a comment and he would say; "isn't she great?" he is just amazing. (oh he is 35 and engaged so don't get any ideas) He kept asking questions about me and constantly jabbering away excitedly about his wedding next July - bear in mind we are in a pub and have been for several hours now, i know all the bar staff and the manager, and lets just say i am allowed a little more than a coke. it just made me happy that although i was ten when he last saw me we still recognised each other and talked for hours and are now meeting up at christmas for another chat.
Today hasn't been good, back to school and i had too much sleep lats night - if i get more than 6/7 hours sleep i am like a person who loves to sleep and only gets 2 hours - very bad mood indeed! Then i walked into so many people, there are 1000 in my school but it was built for half of that so we sit in the corridors and it is such a crush in the hallways, plus i have a suspicion that i have become vaguely addicted to coffee or any caffeine actually, i had 10 cups today and when you are crazy to start with and you have 10 cups of black coffee, lets just say no alcohol is needed.
Well i better go now, i hope people stay their lovely selves and everything is back to normal soon
keep living love crazy x x x
Please do express yourself on this page, I don't hold views on other peoples beliefs and i don't think anyone who does really has a place on my 'happy' page.
I was feeling a bit down before i came online, to tell you the truth i am easily bored, i know that and i fidget, today the daunting reality hit me : i may well be at school for the next 5 years at least, to a person like me that is a nightmare quite frankly and i don't know what to do. I will not acheive the career success i want without education but i like to be able to do what i want, when i want and i have realised that i need to devolop some serious self-discipline. I do posess it in things i like to do like sailing and stuff but i...just don't know.
I'm sure everyone feels like this buti am wondering; i have always been...well a sort of dreamer and what the hell does a dreamer make out of life, what do they acheive? Sorry i've gone all serious on you.
On a lighter note i saw a great friend of mine on saturday, i haven't seen him since i was ten, but he used to be a barman at a pub my dad takes me to, when i walked in on saturday and saw him there, it was amazing. we had a huge hug and all he could say was; "bloody hell, you're tall" occaisionly i would make a comment and he would say; "isn't she great?" he is just amazing. (oh he is 35 and engaged so don't get any ideas) He kept asking questions about me and constantly jabbering away excitedly about his wedding next July - bear in mind we are in a pub and have been for several hours now, i know all the bar staff and the manager, and lets just say i am allowed a little more than a coke. it just made me happy that although i was ten when he last saw me we still recognised each other and talked for hours and are now meeting up at christmas for another chat.
Today hasn't been good, back to school and i had too much sleep lats night - if i get more than 6/7 hours sleep i am like a person who loves to sleep and only gets 2 hours - very bad mood indeed! Then i walked into so many people, there are 1000 in my school but it was built for half of that so we sit in the corridors and it is such a crush in the hallways, plus i have a suspicion that i have become vaguely addicted to coffee or any caffeine actually, i had 10 cups today and when you are crazy to start with and you have 10 cups of black coffee, lets just say no alcohol is needed.
Well i better go now, i hope people stay their lovely selves and everything is back to normal soon
keep living love crazy x x x
Friday, October 29, 2004
Party!!
No, sorry but there is no party, this is just a ridiculously short post to say "I'm Happy!!" oh and crazy! Thanks Davey, I think i'm pretty happy with who i am at the moment and you should be too, all of you!!
I got the job i think (so my dad says) so that's all good and by order of him i have submitted my christmas wish list - yes really! Only 6 or 7 weeks until the big holiday itself!!
Oh and i have a quote from a movie i like - i won't tell you which in case you can guess but i think there might be truth in it - how about you? (this is not serious):
"It is only by being on the edge that we discover who we really are - under the skin"
Well stay happy everyone, and stay yourselves-whatever the cost!
Keep living love crazy x x x
I got the job i think (so my dad says) so that's all good and by order of him i have submitted my christmas wish list - yes really! Only 6 or 7 weeks until the big holiday itself!!
Oh and i have a quote from a movie i like - i won't tell you which in case you can guess but i think there might be truth in it - how about you? (this is not serious):
"It is only by being on the edge that we discover who we really are - under the skin"
Well stay happy everyone, and stay yourselves-whatever the cost!
Keep living love crazy x x x
Monday, October 25, 2004
Happy, happy!
| Aaargh, shit that didn't work! I'll never be serious again, it just never works and causes depression, sorry I'll stay crazy. It is a bit sad though, i just can't hold a serious conversation, i'll be flying a plane and we'll catch fire and i'll be like "well folks, say your prayers" they'll never employ me, i hate serious!!
Plus when i'm serious people are like; 'what's up with you?' i'm just not naturally serious, so there we are. I applied for another job today, a finance company are looking for student female 'file reconstructors' so basically it's an office of fat guys who don't know their alphabet and need a female to stare at, but you know it's £6 an hour so not bad money and my Dad knows the boss so i might get it, 'it's not what you know but who you know!' the Body Shop bitch cancelled on me and then never rebooked but i'm not fussed just so long as everyone knows that when i am in full time employment i will avoid offices at all costs. I just booked my Christmas trip to Southampton, i am going on the 26th December which will piss my dad off but you know i'll hang out with him before christmas and he usually comes around on christmas day. so now i am going to book a weekend in London which i'll go on to from Southampton which will be good. i'm going to jersey again on friday, this time with my mum so that's all good, you know it's all pretty good at the moment, and you? I'm omitting my mocks in january and my french and spanish orals in consecutive weeks in march, but thats all after christmas so lets get that financially-draining holiday out of the way first, i can't wait for christmas, i love it!! Keep living crazy lady x x x |
Friday, October 22, 2004
Freedom
| Right, hello again.
This post is freedom - inspired. Today was the first offical day of half term for me and last night i had a sleep over with Saffron. We planned to spend the night under the stars at the bottom of my garden but that didn't go well when it started to rain so we came indoors and watched movies whilst eating cadburys roses and ben and jerrys ice cream. Today was major shopping trip. Now to freedom. I am free from school for a week, yes? right and i was thinking, is freedom from school the only true freedom we ever have? in our lives? Day to day you have school/uni, on holiday you have work maybe. After graduation you have work and taxes then later a spouse and children? Already we have the full time tie of the family. and i have a sneaking suspicion that this is the only time in our lives that we have true freedom, or near enough. "Two men look out throught the same bars, one sees the mud and one sees the stars" I can't remember who said that but it is so relevant to today. It sounds depressing, which isn't me, but we are all behind metaphorical bars and all we can do is dream and try our hardest to escape scot-free. i like to think that i see the stars and we should all aim for the stars. tell me if you think i'm talking crap, but thats my view on things. Secondly i'm going to go all athletic on you, i went for a run yesterday for the first time in a few weeks and i have a feeling that it is actually good for you. So many things make sense when your feet are pounding against the asphalt, that really wouldn't at work or in the classroom, it's a good way to really think things through. One thing i have been asked to think about is my A-level choices, we take four and here is my shortlist, let me know what you think; Spanish Media Studies Philosophy+Ethics English lit Physics I want to be a pilot and we have this program which you input your details and characteristics and it chucks out careers, here is my top ten; RAF officer (?) Royal Navy officer (what?) Army officer Airline Pilot Armed forces pilot Prison officer (no way) Interpreter Computer operator (i will not work in an office) Publishers rep reflexologist i have to say i was stunned, i had never thought about half of those and i have to say i don't think my personality is that of army personnel, i like to get things done my way and i don't take crap but then i am calm and maybe too laid-back Anyway thats pretty much it, "No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent" i'm pretty sure you all recognise that as an Eleanor Roosevelt quote and remember it, it's true. Keep living Crazy lady x x x |
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