Saturday, October 27, 2007


Hi everyone, anyone...

This past week hasn't been my best, save for handing in an essay and going to an English lecture I have not been to Uni. I've been scared to go into Cottingham. I've been scared to leave my room. I've forgotten things, and people. I've been sad.

Today, it's a little less foggier. I still feel sad. But not so sad. My medication got doubled and next week I have three appointments with various professionals who want to help! Fancy that...

I haven't got dressed today, and I don't intend to. I have a lot of work to catch up on I'm sure, a lot of apologies to make to tutors and lecturers. I shall concern myself with that on Monday.

I'm still in love, and by some miracle I think I'm still loved. I know I sound up my own arse today but it's one of those deal with it ;) I've got things to worry about, and uncertanties and sadness. But it's okay. I'm not on my own.

Thanks everybody for bearing with me

Friday, October 05, 2007

You've missed me right?

Well sorry but even if you haven't it's time for a proper update, methinks.

You all know that I'm at Hull Uni, studying English and French with a view to attain a Joint Honours in these obtuse programmes of study. Ooh only one week in and I already sound like a pretentious, somewhat scatty, english graduate. Fancy that.

You don't know that I've been very down lately. Really down. I did not go out for Freshers (not that I drink anyway) but still. I do not leave my dorm room open, I close it and lock it. I do not get up until 4pm for my 4:15pm lectures, and sometimes I don't even rise for those. Now I know that Freshers is tough on everyone, I know that everyone's in the same boat.

But it doesn't feel that way.

Since I left Guernsey back in...July? I've seen no Psychiatrist, taken no medicati0n (save for my secret emergency stash of Diazepam, and now even that's gone) and basically not opened up to anyone - not even the man I am going to marry.

Of course now I've booked an appointment with the Uni Mental Health team - whatever the fright that is. Registered and booked an appointment with a local Doctor. And cried all over Will for what I estimate to be around 3-4 hours a day. I even ate last night and didn't throw it up, for the first time in a long while.

I have been eating, of course, I shan't let myself get ill over this. But it seems every other meal I do force down, forces its way back up. Why? I have 'aucune idee'.

Nastiness aside, I now have two fish swimming around in a bowl next to me. Frankie, and Benny - because the petstore is right next door to which American eaterie....
I did have Sharky and George, but I seemed to have killed them both within hours of carefully introducting them to their new home. So, never one to be phased, I sent Will out the very next day to get me two new recruits. And I'm pleased to say that they're doing well. Frankie is the Goldfish and Benny the Comet, by the way...

Oh and before I forget. Yes I am living in halls and no there are no pets allowed. But you won't tell will you?

This is the earliest I've been up in days. I look around and yes, my room looks like home - not a patch of wall bare. I see Will asleep on the floor over there, next to my single bed (he too has been snuck in, to take care of me). I don't see anything that upsets me or scares me, yet I am both of those things. Why? Who knows...

I promise this was not intended to be what it has become, a long and pitying rant from a middle class girl with nowt but a few bad scrapes to be upset about. So, once more, I apologise.

Oh but I have gone quite a little while without harming myself in any way now...go me.

Welcome back readers, it's like neither of us ever left.

Monday, October 01, 2007

The University of Hull

Well hello there my gorgeous readers (if there are any of you left!)

So I am officially enrolled at Hull Uni, doing BA Joint Honours in English and French. I have attended lectures today, and apparently I do still know a thing or two!

My room's pretty big and my blockmates aren't at all bad. I've forgotten totally all my MSN details since it's been so long so watch this space for yet another new address - my phone numbers are also new so let me know if you want them.

I can't think what to say