Wedding

Now I don't want to say lots and lots tonight, I don't want to upset Will (if he reads) and I haven't even allowed comments on this post - it's just venting that inevitably follows a few rough days.

A few days ago we ordered my wedding dress, but I don't know what size to get or even how to pay for it.

Every time I mention ordering invites my beau changes the subject - it's only four months until the wedding.

I keep asking if we can put the final deposit on the reception, but he says it's booked for now and we'll pay soon.

My point is I feel out of the loop. I don't know what's happening. I don't know about Will's finances. I'm a control freak.

I just needed to put this out somewhere. A new post, with comments enabled, will be here soon.

Crappy crappy crap crap

It happened again. Last night we had a fight and I hurt myself.

So it doesn't happen as often anymore. So I don't buy double-edge blades anymore.

It still has me, right in its silver, sharp grip.

And?

I knew it was too good to be true. Selfridges was a farce. No-one knew I was coming. I was herded from one place to another for two hours. Everyone there was fatter than me. It was humiliating. Course it wasn't going to work.

I am not going back there. Ever.

Just forget it, you know? It's way too hard. Cannot wait for these bloods to come back then the pills start, and me as I am today will hopefully disappear.

Diagnosis

So it finally happened. Four years of pills and doctors and hospitals and pain...all brought together by two different psychiatric disorders, finally with a name.

Cyclothymia (rapid cycling bipolar disorder - annoyingly called 'bipolar lite')
Borderline Personality Disorder

Next comes the treatment. Which is good, right? I get the right treatment, and the rest of my life can start - hopefully with only a few pills each morning, and an outpatient appointment here and there.

On Thursday I have to have blood tests done, to check I'm okay for the new pills. I just hope they don't affect fertility, as I do so want a baby - and no-one has told me what they actually are going to be.

I'm all for it.

Also on Thursday I have an interview at Selfridges, an interview I want so much. For a job I always fantasised about.

Fingers crossed for a bit of good wind.

eBay

Now, we all know what it is but my goodness I had never experienced anything like it before. I have been popping along to buy my trademark kitsch earrings for some time now...but selling? It never even occured to me.

It all started when Will decided to sell one of his treasured Rolex watches (for purposes unknown to me he has 4, and 2 are exactly the same...)
After that I decided to sell a few bits of clothes...then an ornament...then an old PS2...then some bags.

Is it at all possible that selling is more addictive than buying on eBay? I'd like that...it makes me money, rather then taking it from me.

(Is it just me or do eBay transactions not feel like real money? Like it's a giant game where you hand over simoleons or something (SIMS money) and then get giant pink flamingoes for the garden...)

Anyway, just a lightheardted post for a change.

XXX

PS I wonder how many times I have said 'anyway' on this blog over the years...

How about that?

Here's a coincidence for you.

I am from Guernsey.
My next door neighbour is called Mike. His son/nephew (can't remember), lives in Guernsey, with his wife from Sark....

Isn't that mad?

Well to me it was entertaining