Sunday, January 25, 2009

Still no

Thanks for all the kind comments on the last post... I was a little fearful that it would be ill-received. But my fears were unfounded, thanks.

However... things are still not good.

The self-harm? Worse than in a long time.

The crying? Could fill my bathtub.

I thought I had repaired the relationship with my Mother, now her words seem to scream it is worse than ever. My time to make a decision has come... get close to my family, or run. Again?

9 comments:

paulwchambers said...

hey

am afraid i am not one of those people who sends 'hugs' and 'kisses' (not that we all don't need them from time to time) - wish i could say something that meant something, that was helpful in some way - i can't - i can't get inside how you feel and it pisses me off - i have never taken a blade to myself

seriously fucked off i can't offer hope, sorry...

springsteen has a new album out tomorrow - let's both buy it and maybe that will help.... maybe

love

p

Nikita said...

Hey

Just a word or two, is worth. Well a lot, to me. Just now. Well always.
I have to stop it now. I have to stop doing this to myself.
The problem though? I can feel it. I can deserve it. I need it.

Will however drag my disgusting body out tomorrow, and get that CD.

Thanks. A lot. x

paulwchambers said...

ok, so we can agree on the CD but beg to differ on the deserve it thing...though i have enough addictions to know about need...

seriously, trying to bring a fragrance that will bless...

Nikita said...

Thank you eternally

paulwchambers said...

may you be eternally beloved...

Rainbow dreams said...

Niki, hope you finally rested...remember you deserve love more than the hurting, far far more. Not easy I know but believe it - it can break the spiral.
Am thinking, and hope all goes well today, enjoy your cd :)
know I am here, x

Awareness said...

hey honey....you do have other choices...GOOD ones. No need to run. Have you seen the therapist? If the cutting has started up again with such ferocity, you're getting the message that you need to seek help where you are. I'm also concerned about your meds and whether they need to be regulated.

As for your relationship with your Mom...my heart breaks for you where you are Niki. But focus on your own healing and wholeness....we can only have a say in how we do things, how we see things and how we react to things. Get the people around where you are to help you. Please.

love to you....will be thinking of you today and tomorrow.

Nikita said...

Thanks Dana and Katie. My day did not go to plan. Am under supervision in the hotel again. More to follow soon. Hope you're both well. And you Paul. xxx

Rainbow dreams said...

You'll get there.. am pleased you're at the hotel, all in it's own time Niki, x

me, I'm not too bad at the moment thanks...at my best when I'm busy :) thank you for asking, x