Thursday, January 22, 2009

A New Person...Again

For the first few weeks, and days, after an episode...

...I am fearful
I am unsure
I am not confident...

I walk along a tightrope every day. I scratch my cuts. I try to rise early. I lose weight.

I emerge... again.

I cannot stand the sound of my own voice.

I use 'I' far too often.

So before I make myself cry, I'll leave you.

Until the next post...

PS I found out that a friend has been reading from afar... thank you to him. x

11 comments:

Jules said...

I'm blessed to journey with you too. Through it all, whatever.

I use I too much too - annoying isn't it!

Sending lots of love and hugs and tissues

xxxxx

Nikita said...

:) Love to you xxxxx

Independent Chick said...

I don't know what you go through...I can only imagine in ignorance. But know that I do mean it when I say you are a gift.

There is no harm in becoming a new person...again. Because everytime you emerge, you become stronger.

I have become new again and again and again. I'm sure that in itself has put some people over the top. But it's life, it's me, it's you.

And there is nothing wrong with using "I". Just shows we think a lot of ourselves and there is never an issue with that when balanced with thinking of others. Some people see it as selfish. I see it as self-loving and there's nothing wrong with lovin'. : )

Take care. xx

Rainbow dreams said...

Niki... you do not use I too often..it is about you and your journey, your life, your feelings.
And it happens when life gets so tough that our focus is drawn down to our basic needs, survival if you like.

Emerging, like a butterfly...and soon you will be flying again, pleased to be here with you xx

Nikita said...

Thanks IC! Lots of love to you. xxx

Thanks Katie too, hope you're doing okay. xxx

Awareness said...

Hey there emerging freebird....

I have a new word for your list.

"I"--catching....

Your voice sings your own melody Niki.

Did you get your car?? When are you coming over for tea to sing soprano with me?

Nikita said...

We got the car Dana... and although it is a lot bigger and more powerful than I am used to, I like it. That is now I've got the courage up to drive it!
I'm working on the tea darl'. xxx

paulwchambers said...

hey fuck it!

lots of people in blogland use the word I and it's needy beyond words, sickly... you my friend are not one of them! Remember that...

talk about your struggles as much as you are comfortable with...

you're a fighter - i like that

Charli said...

Hey girl... I hope you are feeling better soon. I am with you in spirit. My hope has your name on it.

Nikita said...

Thanks Paul - it's really nice of you to comment. Hope you are well.

Thanks Charli, new post coming up! x

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