"I've been using Manic Depression as an excuse to give up
I should be using it as a reason to try harder"
Have I been doing this?
There are a lot of things I dismiss as being unreachable to be, beyond my mental capacity - too stressful and likely to cause an episode. But if there's anything I learnt writing my personal statement for the nursing degree it's that I have to work harder.
Rather than shying away from things, I need to gravitate towards them... things people wouldn't expect me to do, I want to do.
Bipolar may be my decision maker... but it needn't be a restriction.
What an epiphany.
How often do we all do this though? Shrug off a suggestion or ignore an opportunity... only to beat ourselves up about it.
Perhaps the lesson here is not to let anything limit you.
Perhaps we should all try it on the edge for a while... it might just lift you higher than you've ever been.
9 comments:
Hey Niki. I am glad for your epiphany. I definitely understand letting an illness make decisions for you (or take them away).
Have you read "Detour: My Bipolar Roadtrip in 4-D"? It is amazing.
Heya. I haven't read that, but now I shall certainly look it out. Thank you X
The illness tries to trick you into thinking 'you can't' 'you'll fail' 'you're too ill,not strong enough, not capable. If you believe those lies it's happy, it wins. But look at you - you're so young Niki but so very wise in what you say in this post.
Sometimes I've found, having struggled against depression and suicidal thought for over 20 years - it's when I make myself do the unthinkable, the impossible -the breakthrough comes.
love and hugs xx
I hope you don't mind...I just had to come see your blog and read a bit or your thoughts. You sure you're only 19? I hear traces of a person with some very "real" experiences and there is wisdom in your words as well. God bless you Niki.
Thank you Jules. All my love goes out to you, today and everyday.
Much2ponder...thank you for coming, you are welcome always. Yes I am just 19, experiencing everything that is human, just a little earlier than some. xxx
Niki....beautiful old soul that you are....:)
I find there have been post secret secrets posted (that's a mouthful!) I too have connected with and was triggered by. I think that's one of the key reasons why it has become such a phenom....
though there are very good reasons to find a diagnosis (ie. it can then be treated), it can also come with a set of narrowing parameters too.
It is hard work not to succumb to the "branding" of a label.... it can easily take over our whole description of who we are and leads to a lot of victim thinking. We are never what we are labelled. Rather, we are beautiful souls just trying to sort it all out.
In other words, we are the essence of our souls....an extension of God's love....
a decision maker in that it does offer some stark realities, but so so right...not a restriction.
x
here's a paragraph from my ramblings in the guernsey press last weekend... always been an epiphany to me:
Philip Yancey says that sometimes the only meaning we can offer people is the assurance that their suffering, which has no apparent meaning for them, has meaning for us. I am conscious that our job is not to bring in the kingdom but bear witness to it. We need to rediscover the man of sorrows, where evil, pain and suffering are nourished by tears; that place where compassion becomes a signpost pointing on beyond itself. A deciding factor in my own decision to follow ‘The Carpenter’ was that he is the God who suffers with, and for me. And for those who are imprisoned, shipwrecked, or just broken on the wheels of living, just maybe we need to embrace that brokenness, and understand that some things just can’t be fixed this side of some much better place.
:) thank you Dana, more of your beautiful words to live by. Lots of love xxx
Thanks for coming Paul, I subscribe to the Press so still get my fix from you :) I've cut out that quote from the paper and stuck it on the fridge... feel honoured ;) Come back soon.
PS laptop is down atm so only have iPod... hence a bit quiet this end.
it is amazing what we can do if we do just go there regardless...
the last thing we want to be doing is beating ourselves up because we never tried.
Sending love, hope the lap top gets better soon!!
Katie, xx
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