Sunday, December 21, 2008

Christmas Season 2008

Gorgeous photo there of the the Guernsey Christmas lights... not mine of course!

I wanted to apologise for the lack of posts or comments, my laptop broke first and then it fixed itself, and then the Internet broke... Fortunately a few things came together, at last. So we still have no phone line to dial out on, but the Internet works - so that's all you blog lovers need to know ;)

So here's what happened today...

Will and I took our gifts round to his Nans house so that she can take them all up to Doncaster on Christmas Eve, then we decided it would be good to go to the big indoor market in Liverpool. We got about two miles outside town, and the car battery died. We called the RAC and they say since our membership runs out next month we'd need to buy another year before they came out. Yeah-fucking-right. 
So we called Highways Agency and they said for a couple hundred they'd gladly tow us to Preston and charge us for each day we leave it there.
So we called Aunty Gill... only her car wouldn't jump ours.
So we hailed a cab and took it back to Skelmersdale, and eventually got hold of Aunty Ang and she duly dispatched Uncle Rob in the people carrier to tow us home. At 30mph the automatic towed the manual with no brakes... we got home, and I started to breathe again.

But like Nan said - it woulnd't be Christmas without something going wrong.

And it made me think, it's often that crappy things happen this time of year... and we shrug a lot of it off, because of the festive season. We let people get away with it, we smile through near-bankrupcy, we block out old memories...

One Christmas I walked into town only to pick up my Dad from jail. I was 13.
One Christmas at my Dads house an argument erupted and things were thrown, blood was drawn and we were out on our ear walking into town in our jammies. I was 12.
One Christmas I attempted suicide, but every Christmas - at some point - I wish it worked.

None of this post is written in the 'correct' manner befitting the season. None of it is happy or optimistic. 

I'm sorry for this, but near the end of the year I start thinking back. I start feeling down. I ignore all the progress I have made, and I just think. 

Perhaps this season has a lot of soul-searching to answer for.

But perhaps it's just all about growth. Human growth. Maybe the more thinking we do, the more gifts we give, the more painful bridges we hold together... the more family contact we 'endure'... the more we grow.

Just in time for next year ;)


Rainbow dreams said...

Hey Niki, lots of soul searching here too, thinking is good if it means we can be honest and grow - and honest about what is and what isn't our fault too. It's far too easy to be weighed down with stuff that really isn't our responsibility or fault. It's good to sift through it now and again.

It's incredible what we have survived too - important to know that, and hang onto the fact we can and will survive regardless...

Christmas is always a potentially volatile time of year and I always breathe a sigh of relief if we come out of it unscathed - it has been known :)

Here's to a peaceful Christmas and start to New Year, and hopefully not too much endurance required, xx

swile67 said...

quite the car adventure..glad you made it safely home...gorgeous pic of the Christmas lights! Christmas/holidays can be a difficult time for many ...the weather doesn't help either...hang in there and hope there is a little part of the season you can enjoy:)

Linda S. Socha said...

I can relate personally to so much of this. Some of my earliest Christmas memories are of the juxtapostion of my Dad's drunken ramblings , or rages and my mom encouraging us to sing Christmas have to have been there. ....Maybe one of the worse times for me was when I lost a sister just before Christmas dut to Lukemia. I determined I would never let Christmas be a time of depression and stress again to the degree it had been...
Know that there are people who understand and invite you to be in the midst of that understanding

Anonymous said...

it can all seem like its going to fall apart but you need to have hope Christmas isn't the end of a year but the start of something new. if you go in to it with the old it stays still it will only move forward when you leave it all behind.

Niki said...

Hi Katie, thanks for coming. I'm with you on the peaceful Christmas... here's hoping. xxx

swile67 happy holidays! I'm sure I exaggerate... there are beautiful bits of the holidays too and I look forward to these all year.

Thank you Linda, a beautiful comment there and already I feel the warmth of understanding from you all.

And to anonymous, whoever you are out there, thank you. That little burst of hope right there might just see me through!

All my love to all of you, and happy holidays.


Charli said...

Hi Niki... I am sad to hear of your Christmas ghosts. But I am inspired by your courage and perseverance. I hope this Christmas is a magical one for you. And may 2009 be better than you could have dreamed.

Charli said...

Niki - one more thing - when you have time, will you e-mail me at ? I have something to tell you privately, if that is okay.

And merry Christmas.

Niki said...

Hi Charli, right back at you darling. Here's to a Christmas full of dreams, and a 2009 full of making them come true. x

Niki said...

Oh and Charli I have e-mailed you also. x