Tuesday, December 23, 2008


I've a pill to make me happy
A pill to make me sad
A pill to make me wish
And a pill to make me dream
Plus a pill to just remind me
That I'll never be the same.
My pills make me sleep
Then perk me up,
They make me happy
Then tread me down.
You know what gets me most?
There's a pill
To make me human
To change my mind
When they said
All along
I could never be
Would never be

Just a crappy little poem there as I was thinking over the issue of mental illness and therapy and so-called cures. I know that there is no cure for bipolar, or anything else. Why is this? Because, really, no-one knows what it is. A diagnosing doctor can't tell me how it feels, the nurse who frowns at my cuts can't say she's never thought about it, the HCA who mops up my blood can't scold me for bleeding...

We all bleed. Everyday. Not always blood or tears or sweat, but humankind. We bleed through injuries and hurts and cuts. We lose people and we fall in love, we sleep and we dream and we wake. We go through a million cycles everyday, just to be called alive... so what I do/did is just a visual for the world. It just says to people I am like you. It reminds them that everybody does hurt, everybody is hurting.

I am what all people feel, but refuse to look at.
I am called ugly for my scars.
I am called selfish for my illness.
I am called a freak for my feelings.
Well guess what?
We are all scarred.
1 in 4 people are mentally ill.
Everybody feels.

So this Christmas... hug a crazy person, we're just like you ;)

Love you


Anonymous said...

does hugging yourself count?

enjoy - south yorkshire is lovely this time of year :)

Nikita said...

Course it does Mr Chambers... have one on me too.

I'm in Liverpool this year, but it's not so bad either :)

mister tumnus said...

hey niki happy christmas. know what i think? i think brokenness leaks out of everyone. even people who at first glance appear pretty sorted. get to know someone and you soon find out about their own personal craziness. we are all emblems of each other. and i really appreciate your writing. xx

Rainbow dreams said...

think I've said before I think we're not all so very different from each other..and thats partly what makes people so uncomfortable about 'mental illness' people identify far more than they want to admit...
much love Katie,x

Nikita said...

Hi Mr T, really nice to see you around again. Thank you for your comment, I hope you had a good Christmas. x

Katie, exactly what I meant! Thanks love, xxx

Linda S. Socha said...

Hello beautiful girl. I hear you. Love your writing sweet girl (corny I know) We are all unsorted....as long as we are alive I believe. Unsorted is a kind of ok that is a journey...The more I know of my own personal craziness...the more I get comfortable with it ( well most of it). Some of it I want to keep

Nikita said...

Thanks Linda :) I feel the same way... hugs x