Monday, March 12, 2012

In Remission

Things had been going so well. I made the transition from one anti-psychotic to another with limitless finesse - you'd think I'd done it before or something - and I was even more awake, losing weight and generally being a poster girl for "Bipolar: In Remission"
Then I got ill, well not drastically, I got tonsillitis. Anyway it knocked me and made me sleep and sleep and sleep. It made me snappy and grumpy. Nobody knew where they stood around me. I didn't know where I stood about myself.
So then today we argued, William and I, about something silly. It had been brewing all day but just culminated with a few choice words and slammed doors. Mainly my words and doors.
And that was it; the closest pocket-knife was mine as soon as I laid eyes on it. And I did it. Again and again. I'm not even sure how many times because I ran to the bathroom for toilet paper and then put a black cardigan on.
Then we made up, cried and took Alfie to the park. Later William dressed it for me and I haven't looked. I can't look. I'm dreading the shower tomorrow morning.
And there we have it.

3 comments:

Jess said...

No idea if I'm posting this right, damn phone, it's Jess anyway. I hope you're at least feeling better now. Keep thinking it's only a slip-up, everyone has them occasionally. Had one a few weeks ago, my first in nearly a year: like you my other half had to clean it up because I just couldn't. It's not the end of the world, while you still have support and love, and your gorgeous little boy to smile at you, there will always be something to come out of the darkness for!

*rambles uselessly*

*hugs gently*

Nikita said...

Hiya Jess
Thank you for commenting. It's not looking good this morning I must say.
I'm angry because it's the first time since I found out I was pregnant in 2010. A mummy shouldn't do things like this.
Think I may be a slight waste of space!
Thanks you again x

Nikita said...

Hiya Jess
Thank you for commenting. It's not looking good this morning I must say.
I'm angry because it's the first time since I found out I was pregnant in 2010. A mummy shouldn't do things like this.
Think I may be a slight waste of space!
Thanks you again x