Friday, December 02, 2011

From the back of beyond

Hello there readers, I hope that you are all well and have been finding your way through the world without my ramblings of wisdom!
So what's happened since June? Well Alfie has grown and grown, he is 3 weeks off his 1st birthday and I just can't believe it. It really seems like just a few weeks since I was pregnant with him. Looking forward to it and scared out of my mind - one year on I'm still scared out of my mind but now I have a beautiful and clever little boy to 'prove' to myself that I can't be doing that badly.
Christmas this year will be the best yet, our tree is up and although it might seem stupid I sit every evening and just stare at our tree. It's the best I've ever had - 7ft and really full, we realised that we put 113 decorations and 200 lights on it! I'm not sure why but it seems to me that it is full of hope, the 'spirit' of Christmas. It's Alfie's first experience and he loves it! I just can't wait to fill our lounge with presents for him - though I'm sure he'll be more interested in the wrappings and boxes, I don't care because the look on his face will be enough for me. It'll probably make me cry - but then, what doesn't?
What else? Well I started at university - again! I'm doing english and creative writing and so far, I am really enjoying it. I'm keeping up with the work and attending as many classes as humanly possible! I met with my new mentor today and she was lovely, she's going to help me with my planning and time management - keeping my diary organised and prioritising what work needs doing and for when. I'm hoping I'll get a little further this time.
And how about the alternate universe that is my mind? Not so simple! I had - foolishly - stopped taking my anti-psychotic medication before uni started because it made me extremely lethargic and generally slow. It all went well until last month when Alfie was very ill and had to go to hospital. I started to get obsessed with numbers, I add up every number I see - from digital clocks to telephone numbers. I look for patterns and do everything in groups of three - I began to get paranoid about the prevalence of the numbers 666 and 999. On top of that I have developed a severe twitch in my fingers. I don't realise when I start doing it but when someone alerts me then I have to finish - in my favourite fashion, groups of three...
Long story short, I'm back on the anti-p's. I didn't want to but my CPN convinced me that they (with my other medications) are the only way to cling onto the wellness I have worked so hard to maintain. Already they are making me hungry for junk and extremely sleepy. There are moments - especially mid morning when I can't really string a sentence together, so if I'm at home I join Alfie in nap-time. William has had to drive me to uni this week because I don't trust myself to stay awake. I am hoping that it'll all settle down and after Christmas I'll be back on track.
So there it is, 6 months in my life - not too exciting was it?!

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