Saturday, April 17, 2010

It looks like we may be moving back to Guernsey. I'm still not sure how I feel about this, really... I love Guernsey. It's my home and it's where I can be with the sea and the sun and my friends. But last time we were there it was the place where things went wrong, in fact things always go wrong there. My family and our financial situation made it impossible and very nearly made me lose my mind. Last time we were there I attempted suicide, albeit a little halfheartedly, and I'm scared. More than anything I'm scared that these things will happen again... I'm scared of going back to the place in my head that I got to last time.
This time round money wouldn't be a problem, so that's one less thing to worry about - but my family are still there, and they still don't want me there - much less Will.
I want to go back, I really do... I just can't if it means going through all the heartache again too.

7 comments:

Cold Face said...

Heya
I think a fresh start is good though isn't it. You can learn from your mistakes and I'm sure you won't make them again. That of course will stop you going down the same road. Gurnsey does look like a nice place, you are very lucky. I hope Will shall be happier there, because that will make you feel less stressed. I love reading your blog. Speek soon, stay happy xx

middle child said...

Trust yourself and your feelings. Do what is right for YOU. Protect your heart. Look at nature and feel God's love. Wishing you peace and joy.

Nikita said...

Hi George. Thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. To have support and friendly comments make me feel good. I hope you carry on visiting me.

Hello middle child, thanks for dropping by. I'm trying to follow my heart and hope it leads to good things.

Rainbow dreams said...

Hi Niki, I can identify with this, and it's a hard one... your heart will lead you to good things.. must catch up, will message you, xx

Nikita said...

Hi Katie, fingers crossed everything works out whatever we decide to do! Look forward to hearing from you xxx

swile67 said...

i guess it is a small island so bumping into family is inevitable! you will do what is right...hang in there!

Cold Face said...

Hope things are going okay in Guernsey. :) x