Have you ever attempted to write an autobiography? I have, I was 15 years old and it was my GCSE English Language teacher who convinced us all to give it a try. I personally found it ridiculous... how could I summarise 15 years, at the age of 15? Who was going to read these supposed masterpieces?
But, of course, I wrote it all anyway... 12 A4 lined pages, front and back. It received a good review from my teacher so I put it in my coursework folder, lost the coursework folder.. and never thought anymore about it.
I suppose that these blogs that we keep are rather like an ongoing autobiographical piece... we share the goings on of our lives, the poems that we write and the songs that we sing to. If I were to print out every single page of my blog it would make a far better read than that Year 10 assignment could ever have hoped to.
For one reason or another I decided to write this post today, exposing a few things that I like to say about myself... and how truthful they actually are. So here goes.
I reached about Grade 5 in clarinet and keyboard... but faced with either of those instruments I don't honestly believe I'd know which finger to put where.
I can happily jabber away to myself in French and Spanish - and read novels in said languages, and sometimes I can understand a German person - but if you plonked me in front of one of said language speakers... my mouth would dry and my brain would forget every verb I ever learnt.
I referred to myself as bipolar long before I ever got a definitive diagnosis. I was fed up of Doctors telling me it 'might' be bipolar or that bipolar 'could develop' that I just started to research it myself.
However, when I got my diagnosis and had it confirmed... it was one of the scariest days of my life.
When I go to mental health units I always secretly think I'm better than the other patients... more educated... more domesticated... cleaner. Even though I've been known to avoid a bath for over a week when I'm in a bad way.
When I saw the 'Friends' episode where Monica gets out her Wedding Book - full of plans for her future wedding - I got inspired. I made a book full of ideas and details surrounding my plans for suicide.
I still don't understand why I came to harm myself, and I don't think I ever will.
That's about all I can think of for now, thanks for letting me get those off my chest.