I once heard it said... "Show me a woman who has a healthy attitude to food, and I'll show you a man."
Now, aside from this being entirely sexist (I know both the male and female population struggle with eating and disorders), it did make me think and take a step back for a moment.
I have never had a healthy food attitutde. I have always been a little bit overweight - and have always been painfully aware of this.
When I was young I ate too much, because it was how my mother nurtured me - and when I was full I still never said no. Which meant that as I got older I lost control of being able to tell when I was full and didn't need anymore food. My days began to revolve around food and what meal I might have or snack I might sneak when away from prying eyes. Getting my driving licence meant I had unlimited access to whatever food I liked, or was permitted by my receptionists wages.
Despite this, in my teens I did even out a bit and when I look back now - I realise that I was a perfectly healthy size. If only I listened to my friends back then, and took the time to actually look at the photos!
My mother never told me anything other than I was overweight, and needed to lose. Hence at home I was always on some diet or another. It's not until recently that she told me she thinks I am really beautiful and thought I looked perfectly proportioned when I was in 6th form.
I wish I'd known that then!
Now, of course, I am overweight - and I know that. I am trying to diet but when I diet I have a tendency to not eat altogether, or purge when I feel I've eaten too much. My attitude to food is skewed and I don't know how to get it back.
It sounds like I'm blaming my Mum/upbringing... but I'm not. I'm just interested in childhood eating habits and how they shape the people we become. I know that the medication I am on will affect me too... and so I ask, what is the right attitutde to food? And how do we get it?!