Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Don't like it

Still I have not got back to commenting on your blogs... I am sorry. I read them, honest I do. But none of my words seem to fit, they wiggle around until they make no sense and all I can do is send out thoughts into cyberspace and pray that they reach you well.

I realised last night that I have slipped into the persona of someone I just don't like. I've always been a bit on edge with myself, and never exactly practised much self-worth. But last night I felt I had fallen into a game-player. A selfish girl who wants nothing more than to stay with her partner forever, but who feels the need to test him. To push him to his limits, just to make sure he knows what he's in for.

I met a new mental health worker yesterday, his name is Alex. I liked him very much, but for some reason he made me feel I should talk correctly and hence I told him little of how I am feeling. I did complain about the great Dr D though and he promises to shed some light on her seemingly child-like therapy.

You don't all know yet... but I was offered an interview back home for the MH nursing course I want to do. It's on the 15th April. I can't really say much because all it seems to be bringing is stress.


So there you go.


Rainbow dreams said...

sending love, sometimes words come and go - that's true of all of us.. am keeping fingers crossed for your interview, xx

swile67 said...

all the best for your interview! we feel the thoughts..it's okay that you don't comment!!!

Awareness said...

what do you mean by talk correctly? did you get the feeling Alex was uncomfortable with you expressing yourself openly? try pushing the envelope with him. that's what he gets paid the big bucks for! ;)

Nikita said...

Thanks Katie - if only I could focus on the interview and not everything else. xxx

Karyne, thank you for the interview wishes! I am glad you can feel the comments.

Dana, no nothing like that. Just he said his daughter was at Oxford and he spoke with a southern accent - just like I used to! I sort of felt I had failed because I didn't go to Cambridge and lost my 'queen's english' accent.
I've since decided to write to him - it's far easier to say what I mean!

Awareness said...

Excellent option! I'm much more expressive and open when I write. I bet you are too. However, I find that sometimes it gets me in trouble too...my openness.....my big emotions pour out and I can do damage especially if I'm communicating with someone who takes things the wrong way or is uncomfortable with emotions.

However.....this doesn't count with counsellors.....they should be able to handle it and if they can't they are in the wrong profession.....so find your muse honey and let it rip!!

much2ponder said...

You have an award over at my place. Come on over and pick it up:)