Stay with me on this one, please.
Today I enrolled at SkelmersdaleOrmskirk College, as a part-time student. I'm just going to be doing a counselling level two course... I hope it will earn me favour with the Uni people. I also hope it will make me a little more of a person again. I felt that since I had to leave Uni in April 08 I was useless, uneducated and my confidence was literally in tatters.
In April it seems I fell apart, and ever since then it's got worse of course - but more often it's got better. I don't have nearly the same level of professional support I had in Guernsey, but somehow Will and I have muddled along.
Whilst I signed up today and had my picture taken for my ID the smile was genuine. I was thrilled - made up to have been accepted. Until then I'd convinced myself that enrollment would be impossible.
Even now, it doesn't seem real. It might be a tiny baby step but it's mine, back into education and back into life.
On the other hand Will started his new job tonight, working 10:45pm-7:00am. So I'm all alone for five nights a week. Am I scared?
Petrified, is the word.
I'm not brilliant alone for a long time, let alone at night. But I'm trying... I took the dog for a walk, went to the shop and now I'm eating apple turnovers watching tv, until bed.
I'd be lying if I said I'm sorted for the night, but I hope I'll be alright. What makes it worse though is that I have my psych app first thing in the morning and Will won't make it back, even if he did he'd be too tired to come anyway.
The appointment I'm dreading... the psych seems to think herself drastically 'better' than me since she is mentally healthy and earning god-knows-what a year. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm sure she'll be fine.
Sorry for the diary-like approach to this, just needed a chat really.