Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Peter Pan and Goblin Market

So I am busy. Not just at Uni but in my head and my life and my finances and my thoughts. Right now I am reflecting, reflecting on all the chances I didn't take and mistakes I made and friends I lost.

I threw away a poetry scholarship to Cambridge, a scholarship to UKSA and a Volvo...but those things wouldn't have changed my life, just made me a little different. I'd still have thought the same, just maybe lived a little different.

I still listen to Shania Twain, I still browse Clinique catalogues and I still say 'fuck you' to people who judge me. But I do none of them with conviction.

I don't cut myself but I do hurt. I don't drink but I do crave. I don't frown but I don't smile.

I'm still a mess of a person. But slowly I'm realising that I am a beautiful mess. And if I want to wear a sleeveless gold dress on a cruise to Amsterdam then I'm downright gonna do that...and I did.

We went to Amsterdam for a few days and it was fab; it showed me that I am me, no matter what my surroundings might be.

1 comment:

Awareness said...

A beautiful mess....... :) We are all a beautiful mess, and that is a blessing.

How boring it would be if we were beautiful and all put together? Frig, there'd be no inspiration to write or live or learn or become.

Amsterdam is grand.

I bet you smile when you aren't looking. :)