So I am busy. Not just at Uni but in my head and my life and my finances and my thoughts. Right now I am reflecting, reflecting on all the chances I didn't take and mistakes I made and friends I lost.
I threw away a poetry scholarship to Cambridge, a scholarship to UKSA and a Volvo...but those things wouldn't have changed my life, just made me a little different. I'd still have thought the same, just maybe lived a little different.
I still listen to Shania Twain, I still browse Clinique catalogues and I still say 'fuck you' to people who judge me. But I do none of them with conviction.
I don't cut myself but I do hurt. I don't drink but I do crave. I don't frown but I don't smile.
I'm still a mess of a person. But slowly I'm realising that I am a beautiful mess. And if I want to wear a sleeveless gold dress on a cruise to Amsterdam then I'm downright gonna do that...and I did.
We went to Amsterdam for a few days and it was fab; it showed me that I am me, no matter what my surroundings might be.