Thursday, May 10, 2007

Crying in the Dark

Forgive me, I need to get this out before it consumes me.

I am so lucky. So lucky. I have a house to live in, I have family, I have friends and I have air in my lungs. I am loved. I love.


I am crying. I am crying because it hurts so much to have these things. It hurts. It has done for as long as I can remember. I heard such a sad story yesterday and I've cried about it - I can't tell you as it's not mine to share.

I ignored my best friend, Saffron, all day today. All day. I ignored her. I wouldn't let her close for a hug. I wouldn't answer her honestly.

I have my beautiful boy who loves me and who I love.

So what the fuck is all of this in my head? These tears? This hurt?

What is it?

I have no credit on my phone, thankfully. There's no-one calling me and I can't call anyone. I've pushed too hard this time.


Awareness said...

Niki...........I think you are a sponge for soak them in from all around you and then just like a sponge, you become saturated with these big feelings......the tears are good, sweetie.

"As much as feeling and being open to feeling things, especially from the ones who hurt around you, we have to be alert and aware of how much we can take (i have learned this the hard way, believe me).

Frederick Buechner, professor and Minister writes:

Pay mind to your own life, your own health, and wholeness. A bleeding heart is of no help to anyone if it bleeds to death.”

So.........let the tears fall, be cognizant of where they come from......whether it's from the grace of blessings or the pain of sadness...... that I've written all that, I now want to jump on a plane and fly over to that island of yours and give you a big hug.

take care

Niki said...

*hug* Thank you Dana xxx