Thursday, November 09, 2006

The Truth About Me

I think that this final draft of my 'winning' poem is about as much as I can say.

I'm having trouble,
With who I am;
Brown hair and eyes and
Skin that holds so many deep lies.
The colours they cascade around my world,
But all that I can find are monotone tears.
I've lost the control that I never had,
In fact I'm a mass of mess,
Surely one day I'll be discovered,
The true extent of my flaws.
I'll try to hide until I fade away,
With a little help I can get to tomorrow,
Those who question I will ignore,
Until the hour that someone breaks through.
They've not found me as yet,
So I'll maintain my sheild,
I'll make sure that my smile is wide,
And my outlook sunny and bright,
Though deep inside my grey soul will protest,
It makes me wonder if I'll ever escape.
The conflicting feelings, the contradictions;
My torn terror and mixed up mind,
Look inside and you'll see that you're blind,
What you see is not what I am,
So slowly I'll begin to realise,
The unstoppable future is revealed.
There are millions of people living and afraid,
And compared to them I see that -
I am nothing.
I am nothing.

Ha. If that got 1st place I dread to think what the rest were like...


Stagestruckgal said...

That poem is good Niki, really it is. I'm not surprised you got first place for that! Its a deep and meaningful poem, thats what it seems to me anyway. It really does make you think about things and how much, as a person, you actually do hide from people. Honestly, I wouldnt tell you it was good if I didnt mean it. It's good.

Hope you're ok, Niki?


Nodders said...

I entered a poem, but it had rhyming couplets, and that's apparantly very bad. I suppose my made up words that I used to rhyme with words I couldn't think of rhymes for didn't help either...

Seriously though, no, I'm not suprised you won it, you're a bubbling powerhouse of poetry :)

Niki said...

Nonono I'm not ok, but I'm alive. Thank you Laura. Take care of yourself. *hugs*

I'd love to be able to write rhyming poems Gordon...I just can't do it. x

Rainbow dreams said...

Niki, an honest poem speaks to many who just can't put their feelings into words - thats why I think your poem is good.

I don't know if you've checked out Pip Wilson's blog - he's a wise guy although I don't know him personally. What he says is true - with all of our failings, all of your flaws, YOU are beautiful, precious and unique, you are, honestly, take care, Katie

mister tumnus said...

good for you niki. there are not many people who are so brave as to publish themselves the way you do. do you know the music of ani di franco at all?

Awareness said...

Isn't poetry the lyrics of truth and pure passion? I think so.

Your poem sings volumes...... you opened your heart, Niki and shared truth and pure passion. By so doing, you touched mine.

thinking of you.........

Stagestruckgal said...

oh, Niki, hunny. stick it out, you'll get through it. you have before, you will now. keep going niki, you are strong.

Niki said...

Thank you Katie, all of those things are true for you too - remember that.

Mister Tumnus thanks also, no I don't know of that music - do you recommend it?

Dana thank you for your words, take care of yourself.

Laura you're a star

mister tumnus said...

oh i'm so excited to recommend this woman to you! please look her up.

she is very prolific but the free tracks here are fabulous.

she is a wonderful writer and never afraid to call it like it is...

mister tumnus said...

my computer crashed yesterday before i had a chance to post this. i'm not sure those links will work but if not please try

and look under 'music' for free downloads. i recommend the the stuff from 'knuckledown' but the earlier stuff is also great. i was so relieved to be introduced to ani di franco. there aren't many like her. seriously honest and seriously talented.

Robert said...


i found you through your comment on another blog. Your poem is good for the very reason it declares pure raw openness of your inner self. All of us can hide behind masks on the outside niki, but what you share in your poem??? We ALL... share in varying degrees with all you experience... i hope you find rest and relaxation and continue to shine in your wriitng and being who you are :)