Monday, November 13, 2006

Against the tide


Isn't this a beautiful picture? It's of the 'Endeavour' coming in to St Peter Port harbour on a beautifully stormy day in the Bailiwick. It's battling against the wind and the spray and the tide - now if you replace those elements with my mind, that's what I'm doing. Imagine how that ship would feel, if it could, having to push forwards through all that. That's how I feel only my battle is against depression and I'm trying to get up every morning and smile at people. 'Endeavour' did make it to her berth though, and she sat there calmly until the storm was over. As shall I.

I was part of the Rememberance service yesterday morning at the top of Smiths Street, it was a very moving affair and I found myself not only contending with the cold, but also fighting back tears. I stood to attention for an hour or so and I complained; the men who fell in the war endured horrors, and never once complained - there's a lesson in there somewhere.

I'm at college today though really I want to be in bed, I went to work yesterday when really I wanted to be in bed. I know they say that hiding away solves nothing but for me it really does - a few days hiding and I can come back right as rain, only just now I can't find the strength to ask the doctor for a week or so off. So I'll endeavour to push forwards, and not fall back.

xxx

In memory of those who fell in World War 1 and World War 2.

10 comments:

Davus said...

I think the soldiers probably did a hell of a lot of complaining actually. Sorry, but I really don't like the tone of rememberance day, I mean what are we actually honouring? That a bunch of people died for nothing... where is the honour and dignity in that. Yet we have our few minutes of silence, 'remember their sacrifice'... It just glorifys war, makes it out that what they were doing was some how noble instead of just bloody stupid. Go go White Poppies, we should be remembering what a waste of human life the whole war buisness is, not attempting to attach meaning and significance to those that died in them.

Don't get offended by this, I'm not getting at you personally at all. I get like this every year round this time...

Niki said...

Well I'm not getting into an argument but I will say that the soldiers were mainly conscripted - in WW1 anyway, so they had no choice. The others had no idea what they were in for.
I'm not condoning war, I'm expressing sadness at how the soldiers were lied to and made to feel patriotic. I'm honouring unecessary deaths.

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

not sure i would call it hiding - merely re-charging and refocusing....maybe even necessary rest...

Stagestruckgal said...

I dont agree, Davus. As Niki said many of the men were conscripts and gave their lives willingly for us to live another day. who knows, if it hadnt have been for them in ww2, we could all have been speaking german!! I am not a cadet of any kind, although, as a girl guide, I watched the parade, if I had been a part of the group at home I would have gone to the cenotaph and taken part in the ceremony. At uni, I also would have gone, but I was at home. I was moved to tears, as I always am. I do not like war, and I'm always sad when the Iraqi war is on the news.

a bunch of people didnt 'die for nothing', they gave their today so we can have our tomorrow.

Niki, dont worry about wanting to be in bed and resting. It sometimes is necessary for the body and mind to recharge its batteries. hope you feel better soon *hugs* xxxxx

Niki said...

Thanks Paul, hope you're doing alright?

Laura yeah I do agree with you but I guess that's all it is - a matter of opinion. x

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

Oh, ps, great pic in the press

Stagestruckgal said...

How you doin, chuck?

Awareness said...

Hi Niki.

You still under the covers? Been wondering how you are......

Churchill called his depression "the black dog" though I think it resembles more of a black fog.....and sometimes a shroud.

Whatever and however we describe it, depression as you know is a nasty enemy that knows how to sneak up from behind when we least expect it. Sometimes we need someone around us who can see the nasty bugger.....and point him out to us because we're too busy trying to fight it alone...... This is what happened to me. I had a friend a couple of years ago who sat me down and told me....

"If you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, it already has. Honey, you're sitting in a shoe store surrounded by a bunch of dropped shoes. You need time off."

So, for the first time since I was 15 years old, I took the summer off and came back to a place where I could see goodness again.

we are never alone.......

If your inner voice is telling you to seek help from your doctor, please listen to it......don't let the nasty black dog move in any closer.

Take good care, Niki.

Rainbow dreams said...

Hi Niki,

I hope you're safe in your berth waiting while the storm passes and that you managed to find the space you felt you needed.
I agree with awareness on your inner voice and the doctor - please don't ignore it,

take care, Katie

Niki said...

Thanks Paul, Dana and Katie