Friday, October 06, 2006


Who knows if I spelt that properly? I don't know.
I love you guys, you know that? Everyone who ever visited here, I love you.
I felt I needed to write this post to apologise for my behaviour in the past few weeks/months. I am better now. Really I am. Next time I'll try not to take it out on you guys so much, cos that ain't fair! Anyway Niki is back, and she's looking to stay - will you have me? x

I'm having trouble,
With who I am,
Brown hair and eyes and
Skin that holds so many lies.
The colours they cascade around my world,
But monotone tears are all I produce.
My smile is wide,
The outlook sunny,
Though deep inside my soul protests.
I wonder if I'll ever match.
Conflicting feelings;
Mixed up mind,
Look inside and you'll see you're blind.
What you see is not what I am,
I'm nothing, not really.



Nodders said...

Grr, you're not getting this are you - we're not being forced to visit/comment this blog are we? =) You're not being unfair. And I'm glad you're better; if the great J.C. is getting you through your depression, who am I to stand in his way?

Abs said...

Niki, Niki, Niki.
You are wonderful, just as you are. With God; without God; depressed or happy; I'm loving the brown hair and brown eyes of course.

I'm currently discovering the Kaballah. Now, that's a branch of my religion that makes sense to me.
If Christianity rocks it for you, then that is wonderful.

Never be afraid. 99 per cent of life lies behind the curtain - and it's all good. It's only the 1 per cent that we see in front of us; that is tangible; that is the darkness.
We all have our ways of letting the light in and that is exactly as it should be.

I also want to be in love. I'm sure most people do. It's a lot of what it means to be human. And, like all things on the other side of the curtain, when you are ready to receive it, it will come.

Here, as always. I'm never far away.


Niki said...

Thank you Gordon. And sorry again.

Abs! I've missed you! How are you chicken?

Abs said...

I am fine.
Chaotic, but fine, m'dear.
You? *hugs*

Niki said...

Working out a new life ;)

Jules said...

Great blog... so good you keep it real. Jesus kept it real. Many religious people hide behind a vale of niceness goodness and falseness.
You encourage me.

Jules x

Niki said...

Jules, welcome m'dear. And thank you. x

Stagestruckgal said...

Hey, Niki, dont worry. If we didnt wanna be here, we wouldnt be here. And we are here. As Gordon said, 'we're not being forced to visit/comment this blog are we?' You're fine just the way you are, and if youre feeling better, wonderful!! I've said it before and I will say it again, dont apologise for everything! You dont need to or have to. Just live life to the fullest you can. *hugs*

Rainbow dreams said...

Great to hear you're feeling better, but you never need to apologise for being who you are - it's what makes us human - beautiful, complex, mysterious, humans xx

Niki said...

Laura you just speak so much sense! Thank you for sticking with me.

Rainbow dreams, you came back! I thought you might never come again to this insane little corner of the web. Thank you, you are beautiful.

Rainbow dreams said...

Thankyou Niki, you are too x