Sunday, October 29, 2006

No more counting

A member of an online community I am part of passed away the other day, she took her own life. She was my age and she was known as emmybug. She didn't post to say she felt suicidal, she didn't text anyone, she just slipped away.
I am crying because I'm thankful. I have been where she was in her mind and someone or something saved me. It was decided that it wasn't my time to go, and I'm thankful for that.
Unfortunately emmybug slipped through the soft net we put up to protect her, and now we can only hope that she has peace.

18 comments:

Rainbow dreams said...

Thats tragic Niki. Tragic that she could see no other option at that point. So incredibly sad for everyone who knew her and was close to her.
I'm thankful for you too, that you did see another way forward to another day,
hugs, Katie,x

Niki said...

Hugs Katie, there are no more words this morning. x

Abs said...

Niki, that is tragic.
Sometimes I forget how close to that I've been at various points. How close you've been. How close so many people are.
You're still here and that makes me happy.
I'm still here and every day I am more determind that each darkness will pass and I'll get through it increasingly stronger.
*hugs* XXX

Lolly said...

:( Oh man, that's really sad

It's a shame that she felt she couldn't tell anyone how she felt.

*moments silence*

Niki said...

Abs I'm so happy to have you here, in the world. I've been worried about you sparkle, I've missed you. Huge hugs xxxx

Lou I know, no matter how much you tell someone that you're there sometimes they just can't tell you, and that's really sad. xxxx

Niki said...

Shit. I really do hate depression. Never mind it bringing out artists.

Stagestruckgal said...

Awww, Niki. That is tragic, i know im repeating what others have said, but it is. Im so sorry that she thought it was her time to go, but im glad something held you back. im so sorry for you, and sad you have to go through it when you have been so close yourself. look after yourself, niki, i may not be around much lately, and may not be around much in the future, but i will post when i can, remember we are here, and no matter how long we take to post, were still here.

*hugs*

Niki said...

*hugs* thanks laura x

mister tumnus said...

that is really sad niki. i can relate to the feeling of not quite knowing what saved you and why whatever it is doesn't save other people too. i am really glad of your blog.

Awareness said...

HI Niki.

I can only offer my warm thoughts and a big hug bundled up with a few of my favourite things. Stay close to your heart and know that others are there to fill it with love........

Im very sorry to hear about your friend. Tragic doesn't get near the sorrow.........
Dana.

Niki said...

mister tumnus, thanks for dropping by. x

Dana too, your words mean a lot. x

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

again, have been wanting to say something but words fail me

i suppose real loss only occurs when we lose someone that we love more than ourselves, so your loss says much about your love for your friend, and that in my book only says good things about you

the pain still fucking sucks though and the loss leaves a void as wide as the grand canyon - my only advice is to sit with the loss a while and listen to it...

Niki said...

Thanks Paul. x
I am going to write that music post but I'm in a flutter this morning... excuses, excuses.

Stagestruckgal said...

how ya feeling today Niki?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear of this loss...and very glad that you are here today. I lost a close friend to suicide when I was your age and felt that I should have known...but when someone truly wants to, nothing can stop them.

Your tears say a lot I am glad it was not your time.

Niki said...

I'm ok, thanks Laura.

Layla welcome to my page and thank you for your thoughtful words.

xxx

Nodders said...

That's really horrible, I'm sorry Niki :(

wish I could say something as meaningful as the rest of the folk commenting, all I can say is, hope you're alright, and I'll think of emmybug xx

Niki said...

Gordon thank you, your prescence means just as much as anybody's words