Wednesday 21st September 2005
I'm a little reluctant to say this but, today was a good day. A good day. It feels good to say that. Good day. I'm not even going to say the 's' word to anyone today, I don't have anything to apologise for.
Yesterday was an awesome day, I had my first sailing session and after one more quick test I was 'given' two first-time sailors to instruct during our Tuesday afternoon sessions, and other times should my students so wish. It was bizarre being totally in charge of a boat, and the crew - I kept forgetting that they had no idea what a gib sheet, or a main sheet, or a main halyard, or a tiller was. But I did keep my cool, when gently reminded they hadn't a clue. Still after I'd told them all the jargon I let them each take the helm in turn - not that it's a competiton, but I think my crew will win. Naturally. I love the water. I would've liked a bit more wind, after Cowes Week I'm used to being a little more in the extreme, but for learners it was perfect. Hoping for a force 4 or 5 next week and I'll be happy. Oh the only other tiny thing was they made me wear a buoyancy aid. I don't wear a buoyancy aid, I'm sure if I didn't wear it hiking out on a 40 footer, I don't need it perched on the edge of a 14 footer. But Risk Assessment Fairies insist.
I'm settling in more to my subjects now, at first I worried that Religious Philosophy and Ethics was a mistake, the questions drove me mad, but after a few more classes I've got Plato's Analogy of the Cave sorted and Meta Ethics going well. Oh and have you ever noticed that 'The Matrix' is a modern day interpretation of the Plato's cave thing? I never knew that till I watched it today. I ask a few too many questions now, I might be annoying a few people - teachers included, but hey. If I've got an opinion and the desire to ask the questions, surely that's a good thing in philosophy? In French today I did a kick-ass presentation on three important things, for me. I went for the sea, a manics CD and my notebook. I made up an analogy for a short story we studied, 'The Fog Horn' by Ray Bradbury, it was unique to me and I got a good first grade in English Literature - 16/20. Spanish is just going well in general.
This is a positive post right? Right, well why does that make me nervous? I'm really wary of things going well, really I know it's not so much that circumstances have changed, rather that it doesn't bother me today. I suspect it's the influence of sailing yesterday. I'm just gonna go with it while it lasts.
I have actually got to write a dramatic monologue for Eng Lit tomorrow, and I have two hours worth of Spanish homework, but I'm really not in the mood. I'm gonna go out on my bike, I've only just discovered how cycling by the sea with music is very therapeutic.
As ever Mum has no idea that I don't sleep, therefore I am in my room with only an incense burning, listening to mp3 because my stereo would wake her up - and she'd notice the light coming under my door. Today being a good day, you'd think I might be more tired but actually it's the exact opposite - I don't have any desire to sleep. I have noticed recently that I've thought I was asleep but I actually wasn't, I'm sure now that I'm not asleep. I never got into bed. I have pyjamas! I've not had real pyjamas since I was a little girl, just worn big shirts from swimarathons or sponsored walks or dad's wardrobe.
I just rang dad actually, last Saturday when he picked me up from band I left my clarinet in the back of his car while I was at work. Trouble is I walked home from work and haven't seen him since. The clarinet is still in the car. It was not my dad's car. So some dude who's having trouble with his Audi has probably been loaned the car, with my clarinet in the back. I need it for band tomorrow. I am fucked. Totally. I had to ring his goddamn phone five times to wake him up, only to have him promise to find it and deliver it to school. My father has never kept a promise in his entire life, I have little hope that this will be any different. All I can say is if the dude in the Audi takes the clarinet or it's lost in translation, dad is bloody well replacing it. Because I can't afford to.
Anyway. Went for a great ride. All the way to the castle to watch the boats, the spot at which I swear my bike just likes to cast the chain off. Each time I go down there the thing falls off and I get to put it on (because I don't flutter my eyelashes at guys ;-) ) whilst most of the other senior sailing instructors laugh at me. Then after they invite me into the yacht club for some juice and to wash my hands, so they redeem themselves. It is dark when I get outside, I realise I don't have my phone and there is probably a search and rescue operation underway by now, since it slipped my mind to tell mum I was going out. Instead I am greeted frostily at the end of the drive. It is 9pm.
The monologue went well, it's a bit intense. I sort of based it on my past year, but obviously I'm not expecting my teacher to realise, I hope he doesn't. I couldn't come up with anything better though and writing from experience is always easier. I've yet to complete my spanish, but hey - the night is young. I read the article though which at a whopping six pages in spanish, was not easy, is quite an acheivement. So far as I can tell it was about the atrocities happenning to women each day in Guetemala. If it wasn't so long I'd post it because it's so awful what happens out there.
Thursday 22nd September 2005
Damnit I'm annoyed. I'd like to sleep now. Spanish homework is long completed, along with the Philosophy for next Monday, and the anticipated Ethics which I haven't yet been set. I've made copies of each poem I've saved on here, written them out by hand in a notebook. There were 57. My bedroom is also immaculate. Have you ever noticed that Alanis Morissette doesn't know what irony is? None of the things she lists are actually ironic. "It's like rain on your wedding day." wtf?!?!
As soon as this Miles Davis track has finished in 5 minutes I will have one last stab at a kip before the automatic alarm on my stereo comes on at 6:30am.
One whole hour of sleep, that's gotta be an acheivement. Today lived up to my expectations, compared to yesterday it was crap. Not disasterous, just normal. For me. Spanish finished late and the taxi was late so I was late for band, which ran on and made me late for being picked up by mum and she doesn't like waiting. Dad forgot the clarinet and I had to keep calling him all day to get his ass down to school with the clarinet, then he couldn't find the college and was in a shit mood by the time I saw him. Mum's off out in a bit, trouble is I was going out too but now I'm staying in to babysit. Other than that, not a lot doing down here.
Funny list in The Guardian today, famous cocaine users -
US President Ulysses S Grant
Pope Leo XIII
Pope Saint Puis X
Frédéric Bartholdi - designer of the Statue of Liberty
Robert Louis Stevenson
You'll notice a couple of writers, priests and the father of psychoanalysis - worrying, very worrying.
x x x