Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Watch as I lose control, watch

For goodness sake don't read all sorts of shit into this I just wrote it and I needed to post it, you don't even have to comment it. I just had to get it out here. Thanks x x x

I hate how I feel each and every time you offer me food,
The way it looks and smells makes me want to be sick.
When I speak to you it's never for long,
Because I'm losing control after only two minutes,
I can't trust myself to keep quiet control,
So I am silent.
I drift off in class like it doesn't matter,
It isn't my future I'm tearing to shreds,
I can't stand my lack of will.
Look at those marks,
They are all my fault, self-inflicted,
Still they bleed like my heart,
Tears from my body fall down.
I don't speak to you all anymore,
Only I know how I feel,
But me and only me blocked you out,
When you wanted to help,
I couldn't trust you.
The same music plays over and over,
The same books are read,
I watch the same movies,
Wallow in my misery.
Look at those marks.
That bottle I reach for,
Those drugs I take,
The stripy features, they are it.
They are the signs I'm losing control,
My help with something I don't understand,
I'm watching this spectacular fall,
Spectacular but subtle.
One person only has noticed,
Those fatefull changes that I watch everyday,
I must be doing well -
Not inflicting myself upon others.
Look at those marks.
And I'm falling,
Just like this poem I am sinking,
I'm watching myself as I lose control,
Always watching.


Nodders said...

Wow. Intense!

Niki said...

Thanks x x x

Niki said...

jeez i read it again, sorry about that it was a bit much. anyone reading this will be avoiding me for fear of talking to some mad, disturbed person. i'm not x x x

Nodders said...

Don't worry, I believe you, and even if you were, I'd still talk to you! It would make for some interesting conversation at least! :P

Stagestruckgal said...

its great! pent up anger, hey? i have that. i just scream and shout and listen to rock music. i cant channel it into a poem. thats skill man.