Saturday, February 19, 2011

Our little trip down south went very well. Alfie's great-grandparents absolutely adored him and it was lovely for me to see them again too. We spent some time at their house and some time in Southampton too, just a little wander around West Quay and IKEA - of course. We drove back to Doncaster laden with books of mine and gifts for Alfie and when we arrived home I tidied it all away into new homes.

Tonight Will is out at a school reunion so it's just me and Alfie, we've had a little fun and he's had some milk and is now out for the count - until he gets hungry again of course!

Before Alfie arrived I always felt that I had failed. Yes I had a wonderful man to fall in love with, but also I had scars, crap A-Levels and no degree. I felt jealous of all my friends still living the student life, gaining qualifications and life experience and basically doing everything that my illness made me give up.

But now, now I have Alfie I feel like I have a purpose. Before I lived for William but now I live for Alfie too, and through the love that the three of us share I have started to live for myself. I buy myself (too many) new clothes, I had my hair styled and I'm making the effort to start - and stick to - a new diet.

What I think I'm trying to say is that you don't always have to get it right first time. I will always have scars, and probably always take medication - but I won't always live in the past. There is such a thing as a second chance, and if you realise it in time then you can make it work - no matter what's happened before.

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