It looks like we may be moving back to Guernsey. I'm still not sure how I feel about this, really... I love Guernsey. It's my home and it's where I can be with the sea and the sun and my friends. But last time we were there it was the place where things went wrong, in fact things always go wrong there. My family and our financial situation made it impossible and very nearly made me lose my mind. Last time we were there I attempted suicide, albeit a little halfheartedly, and I'm scared. More than anything I'm scared that these things will happen again... I'm scared of going back to the place in my head that I got to last time.

This time round money wouldn't be a problem, so that's one less thing to worry about - but my family are still there, and they still don't want me there - much less Will.

I want to go back, I really do... I just can't if it means going through all the heartache again too.