Saturday, June 20, 2009

Give me a chance to hold on

No, I don't want to talk about it. Any of it. For some time now I shall block out the events surrounding my 20th Birthday.

At the moment I am staying with my Mum. Getting back on the meds. Starting work on Monday.

Pain drifts in and out of our lives. Crushing moments and devastating pain keep us on our toes. Some of us thrive, some of us take a very definite dive. This time - again - I took a dive. I hope that some day these dives will be my education in keeping my head above water when I eventually crash into the suffocating depths, because it's going to keep happening - again and again.

The glowing tan of a seasoned and salted sailor is back with me. The call of the waves and the rustle of a spinnaker are humming to me gently. They want me back, they want to fix me to the bow of a Beneteau... to air out all of my pain, to bruise my legs. The foredeck of a large yacht is where I should be, with my beau sitting at the back. Feeling the wind, feeling the blackness trail behind us as we set off until finally it detatches and we are free again - to dance and sing in the skirt of a wave.

Each morning I go to the top of my Clos and I send a kiss to William, a smile to the glistening waves and the faint glimmer of hope that one day once more the sea will envelop me.


Awareness said...

"We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic....."

I know you're going through MUCH Niki....and I really feel for you. I'm also relieved and glad you're home safe and healing.

Sail on honey!

Kat Skratch said...


I'm not sure you wanna talk.

But if you do.

I'm always here to read! :)

Love your way...


much2ponder said...

((((Niki))))that is a hug for you. I love your poetic writing in the second half of this post. You choose your words so carefully or maybe they just pop into your head at just the right time. Either way. I love the way you put them together to form a picture. Thanks for sharing

Nikita said...

Thanks Dana. This is where I am meant to be.

Hiya Kat. Sorry, I feel I've been neglecting you. I will be back into the swing of things soon. x

Thanks Pat. Sometimes I am lucky and the words just flow out of me as if they are supposed to be.

Marsha said...

what an extremely talented writer you are.

(i'm adding your blog to my blogroll if you don't mind.)