Monday, April 20, 2009


If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you will have noticed my latest complaint.

I am stuck in limbo. I don't mean purgatory, but it sure as hell feels like it. I know that I want to move back to Guernsey into nurses training... but right now all I can do, is nothing. I have to stay here in this place, waiting to hear whether I am accepted or whether my fate involves the all together hotter option of another failed opportunity.

Today is a gorgeous day, but like yesterday it lacks a purpose. Everything that we do feels like nothing has been done. It is silent and still, the way it gets when a city warms up. And like the cat lazing on the wall I feel that all I can do, is sit and read.

On the bipolar side, things are much better. I still am avoiding the CMHT because I don't need them right now, they are stretched as it is and I'd much rather they helped some poor soul who is stuck in that aching void. You know the one. When you are crying so hard that everything stops again, the pain and the darkness just crushes down on your chest so that.... you just can't explain why your eyes are red, the bags underneath them weigh heavy like suitcases and your answers read like questions in a philosophy book.


Jess said...

I know the horrible state of mind you're describe, glad you're not in it! (just check out my blog for my mood lol)

Reeeeeally hope the Guernsey thing comes through and you get to go back there, it seems to have really lifted your spirits. Who'd have thought that tiny island would have such a tug??


Nikita said...

Thanks Jess, I'm on my way over to your blog now... hope you're okay.

I know. No-one was more surprised than me at the pull Guernsey has!


Rainbow dreams said...

Hmm I never expected the pull of this small place keeping fingers and toes crossed, and saying prayers, even though the two don't kind of go together.. but sod it!
And mighty pleased about the bipolar...
keep us posted if you hear from them??

Nikita said...

Thanks Katie... can really do with the all the luck/prayers you can spare me with!
I will let you all know, think it'll be around the end of April I find out. Hope so anyway.