Not sure what has brought this post on. It's not one of the ones I promised myself I'd write, perhaps I'll save them for next week.
I was thinking about suicide, again, actually.
Possibly spurred on by my next psychiatric review on the 19th Feb. I was thinking what I would tell them about myself, my state of mind, my feelings...
It feels like something I am bound to. A path I can't get off of.
It feels like I will do it, definitely, one day. Feels like all the events that make up my life are just preparing me for it.
No worries, I won't do it now... I mean I'm not in danger.
It was just like a realisation. All those attempts which failed... were they a sign to tell me how to do it right?
The pills haven't made me better... because they know they're a short-term solution?