Here we go darl, ten facts about me.
1. If I had the money, I would spend it on creating a perfect home for a family. Because that is my ultimate dream; to have a child, or two, or three... with Will. I would spend all the time I had trying to sculpt something befitting a new life, and try to ensure that it was ready to help us bring a new human soul into the world.
2. If I'm 100% honest I wouldn't change my body. I complain about it everyday and I can't stand to look in the mirror... but nobody can accuse me of not being myself. I've been underweight and I've been overweight - right now I am just called 'healthy', but I'm as happy as I've ever been with myself. That's not to say I won't wear minimising bras, straighten my hair, wear control underwear and use products.
3. I can't stand the darkness, for the exact reason that I fear the unknown... I don't like to not know what is in front of me. I hate the idea that somebody or something could grab me without my consent or my knowing. If I hear a noise when I'm home alone I'm much more likely to hide in my bed, than run out with a knife. What on earth would I do with a knife when confronted with an intruder?!
4. I still don't believe I'm mentally ill. I still think I'm a 15 year old in her bedroom just scratching at herself to get some attention, though at the same time dreading anyone finding out. From my first therapy session I have had the belief stuck in the back of my head that I'm making it all up.
5. When I meet someone new and they ask me what music I like, I just tell them that so long as I can sing along, cry or feel it in my soul... it's my type of music. I miss playing the clarinet and am considering having it sent to me, so I can play again. I have always wanted a saxophone, because when I play that... it's the definition of soul.
6. When I feel down, I want to feel up.
When I feel up, I want to feel down.
Borderline Personality... thy name is Nikita.
7. I've always been a better listener, than a talker. When I was in therapy I used to ask Dr H about his day and his holidays and how he felt, I used to tidy his desk for him. Hence I am now persuing counselling, and my own place in the CHMT - someday.
8. The last story which made me cry was an 11 year old boy from the Wirral, who hung himself with his school tie from his bunkbeds. I have tried 1 million times to make sense of that, but failed everytime.
9. If I were to invite someone 'famous' to dinner... I'd be too nervous my flat wasn't tidy enough and cancel the date.
10. My dream job when I was little was to be a skipper on a maxi yacht for someone famous. Now? I'll sail anything that floats.