Friday, October 24, 2008

Every Morning

(This isn't two posts in a day - the last one was before I went to bed last night)

Every morning I wake up and regret.

I told myself that no matter what happened or what I did that I would never have any regrets...well I do.
I regret not getting through Uni, at least not the first year.

It may seem small and you may tell me I can try again, and you'd be right - but it's not the same. On my first attempt I failed, things got tough and I ran.

I look around Facebook and see all these beautiful friends of mine happy and thriving at Uni - whereas what do I do?
Nothing. I sit and wait to get better, pretending that I'm in recovery so that people won't ask why I don't work.

I let my mother down.

8 comments:

Jules said...

You are worth a million of them.

I let my mother down too... but that was her problem really not mine. Non of us should owe our parents in that way. You're an amazing individual and I'm not just saying that - it shines through.

Keep looking forward and not back.

You will do great things - your great things, not anyone elses idea of what they percieve great things are!

Keep keeping it real.

Lots of love

Julie

Niki said...

Thank you Jules...as I sit here in darkness your words brought me a few moments of light.
Oh I'm crying and everything.
Thank you, is all I can say.
xxx

mister tumnus said...

better sooner than later. we always let our parents down. i was in my 30s before i realised that i had to be ok with with letting my mother down.

hey niki, i've been reading your blog for a while, thanks for writing on mine :)

and i think everyone has regrets in a way. the only thing we can do is turn them into something positive by learning from them. then nothing is lost. it's part of the journey.

do you want to go back to university? you can do interesting things and have a great social life without it. but if it is the opportunities that only further study can provide that you feel you want then go for it. what do you need to do to get back there? then start to do those things. you already know a bit about what it's like so you're at an advantage.

best of luck. all things are possible. (again, at the age of 33 i'm just realising this...)

Niki said...

:) thank you mr tumnus - some really inspiring words for me. I do want to go back to Uni, someday, I think!
I guess it's all about decisions being made for yourself, not everyone else.

Rainbow dreams said...

Niki, Hi, just back from holidays.
It was so lovely to see your comment on my blog, thank you, x

I let my Mum down too, all the time, no matter how hard I try...it's no big secret but it's possibly the hardest one I have to struggle with day to day...

Wise words already here, but yes, anything is possible and nothing is ever a wasted experience or opportunity - it's just it might be different to what we thought we had planned for that part of life...

Take care, love from me, Katie, xx

Niki said...

Love to you too Katie, I hope your holiday was fab. xxx

Awareness said...

The very best learning happens outside of any classroom....you may not be formally enrolled at Uni, you are most definately registered and actively taking many courses in LIFE 101! What a year you've had.....no let me rephrase that....what a life you've had thus far. Big lessons, hard lessons and frightful ones too. But, also lessons steeped in love and awareness.

You are learning everyday sweetie.....lessons which in the long run will foist you into a position where you can one day take a step back into the world of university.

Higher learning? You are there. Eyes, ears and heart wide open....that's YOU. xx

ps. a new word for your list??

Learner.

Niki said...

Thank you :)