Friday, February 01, 2008

Wish upon a star

You know that moment when you wake up from childhood? You know the one, when you realise you're not going to live in a castle, or be an astronaut, or have a crown - or whatever your particular dream was?
I had that moment the other day. The worst moment in a long time. I realised I wasn't going to live in a castle and spend all day chasing my children around until my husband rushes in the door and sweeps us all up.
I still have dreams of course - to pay rent and bills, to have children, to marry Will, to get a nicer car... They're still dreams, but they're attainable. They're justifyable.
I'm not saying kiss goodbye to all your dreams now, I'm just saying beware. If you haven't had 'that' day yet, run from it for as long as you can.


Rainbow dreams said...

you know Niki - there are also moments when you realise you're living far more than any dream you ever had... when it is actually better than you had ever imagined it to be...
they aren't often... but they do happen.. they often take you by surprise..and they may not be the dreams you expected ~ but they are out there...
good to see you back, x

Awareness said...

WHAT?? I'm counting on the castle! I've already picked out the really choice looking male specimens who will run the place at my command of course. I've been studying paint chip colours with my fairy godmother who has an interior decorating business on the side. I know what shape I want the pool...........the sauna and hot tub spa area is basically built (in my head that is.....)

Now the knight in shining armour thing? I've learned over the years (cause, well, I have to admit i've had a few more of them that you my lovely and talented Niki sailor girl) They're great to have around, especially if they can quote lines from various Monty Python movies. But at the end of the's up to the princess orchestrating the castle living thing to keep the whole ball of wax RUNNING. Even when one looks at the women in Austen's novels........the ones who must marry for survival basically....they are in charge of things. Theres a facade in place to show a different outward face. better be kidding me about the no castle thing because I'm bloody well working my ass off to fulfill that dream! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to dust off my tiara, don my fru fru princess dress with a sticky outy skirt and head off to the grocery store.

Awareness said...

omf! I just reread what i had posted...

I met I had had a few more YEARS than you.......not men. But, chances are......hhmmmmm...... :)

Stagestruckgal said...

heya niki =) dont let go of those dreams, keep them in your hand. dont ever stop dreaming. xx

live and forget said...

Dear Nikita
Dreams are as they are meant 'dreams' but we hold on to them in the hope that one day they will fall out of are sleep and in to the light. I've ran for years looking for my dreams and ive had some but the ones i never lived are the ones where i made dreams along the way. Dont stop dreaming because you will miss out on so much along the way.

I love you and i always will
My heart has its own dreams that it is luckily living
Thank you

forever and a day xxxx

Niki said...

Thanks Katie, you do raise a good point - I was having a slightly self-indulgent moment when I wrote this post! It's good to be back, thanks. x

Thank you Dana - I guess what I really learnt is that some days my dreams seem silly, but they never leave me - we must get together to plan castle decor. xxx

Thanks Laura - nice to see you around. x

Thank you beautiful, I love you. forever and a day xxx

miss v said...

I remember that moment.
I was 18, home for the weekend, moaning to mother about the tribulations of my life, how much I hated London and my job even more.
She said: (gleefully) "Isn't this nice?
"I don't need to be your mum any more, we're more like good friends!"
To which I promptly burst into tears and replied: "No it's completely bollocks, I'm only 18, tell me what to do!"
Until that moment I had thought that adults had all the answers - and then suddenly realised that in some respects, they didn't.
"Mummy" couldn't tell me how to solve my problems - and that was a shock.

I've never dreamt of castles, husbands, or children; nor weddings, nice cars or mortgages; it all smacks too much of the dreaded C-word (C*m*it*m*nt) to me. And what's behind that? My fear, I'm sure. Fear of being cheated on; let down. Fear of losing my job and not being able to make repayments. Fear of being re-possessed. Fear of being homeless and living on the streets. Fear of not being able to look after myself (and yes, I still really don't believe I can look after myself.)
Its funny really, when there is so little in this life that I fear, that it is the normal, every-day things that frighten me to death. And as time goes on, it only gets increasingly worse.

Hope you're ok, treasure. I think of you often and hope you're being kind to yourself *hugs*